i can't believe

i can't believe my last sunday at Tin Chuen might be one of the busiest. well, it's the weekend.

On Saturday, there's basketball which isn't really included but it will take a physical toll on me. Then get drinks from Shirley, then BB, Saturday service and small group. fantastic.

Sunday. Children worship then taking care of all kids during the noon service. Then decorate the board and Sichuan meeting...

I really just want to enjoy fellowship.

my disease

i think I got some church minister children disease. i do what people expected me to do (or what I think to be) way too much. Paid too much attention to people's expectation, comment, opinions and forget about who I am. That is my disease. Need to be separated from what is going on in this chaotic world. How do you find yourself in this world? Maybe I am too selfless. What is my call? How can I make the best use of myself here with the time I have here? What are my gifts? What am I good at? What is my very own calling? My very own purpose of existence?

I don't think I will know anytime soon (maybe I do, I am just hiding for it or ignoring the call), but I am going to try. First I am going to get out of what I don't like to do. Get out of this rat race. Be what you were made to be.

Jodie Foster

what can you do?

What can you do?

Men are sooooooooooo limited

Just gotta give it up to God

Just gotta pray, pray hard, change ourselves and let God reign in us.

not about that

I think in life, it is very easy to compare and compare just about everything, like, what other people have, accomplished and etc. And it would make you lost because the pasture always seem to be greener on the other side. But just have to remember that we are all made uniquely and comparing would just make us lost (although it would also make us fit and and confirm our decisions). 

I believe there are things that are instilled in us. Something that we cannot change (or is it just me?). I find myself to be a naturally laid back person who is often made to do something because I just can't stand the ways things are and believe in betterment. I can't help it. I often feel compelled to do things. To make a difference. I just can't help it. It's like my nature. It can be racism, discrimination or just dumb cycles. Both most of them are outside of myself. 

work ... killing ... me

I really don't like coming home late and tire. I give like 12 hours to work no including over 2 hours of commute on the MTR. I am just sick of the hours.

It's so hard to be good. So hard to learn about suffering. So hard to do good without much support. Now I understand why Paul wished to return. Ignorance is really bliss. Good people are always the ones getting hurt and we don't hurt back because we know better. Our cuts are the deepest yet because of our nature, we found it hard to hurt back. It's just not in us. We want the world to be a better place, we want to care and love, not hurt or hate. It pains us to hurt, to hate. We hate guilt.

We face liars but we can't lie or blast them. We face schemers but we can't scheme back because it is wrong and unnatural to us. We can't do such a thing, it is not in us and our hearts would not allow us to do the same.

We might have emotions and anger but it is only natural and not intended to hurt others.

I just hope everybody is pure hearted. That they would know better. Be able to tell right from wrong and the Way, which will guide them in all circumstances.

Earth is just not a great place to be.

Suffer

http://www.creativity-portal.com/bc/angela.mack/scatterbrain.html

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0NAH/is_1_36/ai_n15895440/?tag=content;col1

Suffering because...

Beginning

Once you press the button, then there's no way of going back. The machine starts and there's nothing you can do but walk, if not run, on the rotating belt. 

There are so many choices. 

As soon as it begins, it's starting to end. As soon as it starts to grow and get the hang of things, my feet are chasing the shoes again. I don't really get this. I just know that for a while I didn't want to settle. I don't know whether it's good or bad, that I often feel very temporary, like a visitor from outer space wherever I am. Belonging to no where and everywhere. I wonder how the puzzle will mesh together. What picture it would form. 

One step at a time, and according to Ellie's dad from Contact: "Small moves, ... small moves."