Beginning of the end and the Start of a new Beginning

I came to DC very late last night and felt bad that Edwin had to stay up until 2 a.m to go to sleep because of my bus trouble.

It seems like everybody is kind of going through a transition. Edwin is moving to North Cal for his post-doc (yeah, there is such thing as that), Toby and his wife are expecting a baby in a few months, Felix just settling in Boston with his new job and Helen is also expecting a baby and going to school.

I ran out of underwear. Need to get some, it's too troublesome to wash them. I can't believe i ran out again.

BoltBus

So now I am on the bus going from Boston to NYC. My trip is coming to an end and it's like it's just going to be downhill from here. I can't reach my auntie, uncle and cousin in the DC area but that's okay. Hopefully they would call in later. But the main thing is that I have been to NYC and DC already.

2 days is good enough for Boston although I didn't get to see everything but it was good enough. I think I will go back there. The coolest thing about Boston is that it's small and most of the sights are within walking distance.

My favourite is Chicago. There's just so much to go and see. I wish I had like 3 more days in Chicago and spend the weekend there. My cousin and his family actually didn't get much free time during the weekdays and I caught them during the wedding anniversary. Being with the Narr was really nice and fantastic.

I wanted to stay in Portland for another 2 days too and that I can spend July the 4th in Boston, New York or Chicago. They have great celebration and fireworks on the East really, whereas there is little more than nothing on the West, I guess we are just don't have that strong historical link.

It would be good to stay in NY for a night and than go drive down from NYC and visit all the sites and cities between NYC and DC. Wouldn't that be great?

But I have learned a lot at each of the places I went to. Learning from my hosts mostly, especially the Narrs. I actually have a lot of questions for them because it seems like they got it all pretty well.

I think people are funny. It's really weird. There's no one alike.

There is never enough time. Time is really what you make out of it. Limitation of time create urgency. Opportunities come and go, and we all have a long way to maturity.

Sometimes I am not sure if I made the right decision. I think a lot of things I do are somewhat impractical and hard to explain. I think it's my personality, sensitivity plus trying my best to make the best decision with God in mind. I think God's way is at times hard to explain, and even foolish and illogical to people, especially people with worldly minds. I think God makes people do unworldly things and for me-weird and strange stuff that I sometime question.

Life is an amazing journey. I don't want to miss a thing. But you do. You can't be everywhere at once.

I don't think I am a person who is comfortable in being aggressive and to get what I want. I seems to be in a self-denial mode half the time. I don't know if it is the way I was reared or how I grew up, or just my shy nature, or this put other people before me attitude that I developed. It's probably a mix of all of them.

I didn't know it before but I am finding myself to be a more sentimental person that I previously thought myself to be. Am I being more sentimental now than before? Don't know, I feel like I am going through a second puberty. I think I am able to put myself more out there so I am more venerable.

Is that growth? Maybe. Definitely did some growing. Scriptures that I used to just skim through became meaningful and am able to understand more Scriptures and readings that I didn't understand are becoming relevant. But do i like it? I don't know. It's a two sided thing. Growth does not mean happiness. At least not yet. Maturity does not mean enjoyment. I find myself often on a different wavelength than others and it's a bit lonely. You get to see so much that others can't see and understand. You see through things but you are probably only the few in many who could.

You know what's better to do and it gets disappointing when you see some others doing otherwise. You wonder why you are so uptight yet you just can't let yourself go and play the same game because you know you are better than that. It does make you free in that it becomes nature to not do certain things, or have certain thoughts but in this world you might be the minority and not the norm, and people often misunderstand you for that.

I also don't like to be judged. Nobody does. And nobody is perfect so if someone really want to find fault in you, it's easy. We can all pick out a thousand things at fault on someone.

I am mixed. Part of me feel relieved, glad and thankful, but another part of me feel a burden, sense of lost... I am not quite sure what it is. Maybe it is love, or just part of it. Maybe it is fear as I take the next step, into the unknown.

I know part of what I have learned here but I am not sure why God's purpose for me to learn these things. How will He use me with these learned things? Can I connect the dots? Maybe later I will. What have I been avoiding? I want to just live and enjoy and be who I am meant to be.

i can't believe

i can't believe my last sunday at Tin Chuen might be one of the busiest. well, it's the weekend.

On Saturday, there's basketball which isn't really included but it will take a physical toll on me. Then get drinks from Shirley, then BB, Saturday service and small group. fantastic.

Sunday. Children worship then taking care of all kids during the noon service. Then decorate the board and Sichuan meeting...

I really just want to enjoy fellowship.

my disease

i think I got some church minister children disease. i do what people expected me to do (or what I think to be) way too much. Paid too much attention to people's expectation, comment, opinions and forget about who I am. That is my disease. Need to be separated from what is going on in this chaotic world. How do you find yourself in this world? Maybe I am too selfless. What is my call? How can I make the best use of myself here with the time I have here? What are my gifts? What am I good at? What is my very own calling? My very own purpose of existence?

I don't think I will know anytime soon (maybe I do, I am just hiding for it or ignoring the call), but I am going to try. First I am going to get out of what I don't like to do. Get out of this rat race. Be what you were made to be.

Jodie Foster

what can you do?

What can you do?

Men are sooooooooooo limited

Just gotta give it up to God

Just gotta pray, pray hard, change ourselves and let God reign in us.

not about that

I think in life, it is very easy to compare and compare just about everything, like, what other people have, accomplished and etc. And it would make you lost because the pasture always seem to be greener on the other side. But just have to remember that we are all made uniquely and comparing would just make us lost (although it would also make us fit and and confirm our decisions). 

I believe there are things that are instilled in us. Something that we cannot change (or is it just me?). I find myself to be a naturally laid back person who is often made to do something because I just can't stand the ways things are and believe in betterment. I can't help it. I often feel compelled to do things. To make a difference. I just can't help it. It's like my nature. It can be racism, discrimination or just dumb cycles. Both most of them are outside of myself.