Hot Pot Reunion

I don't know but well, I wish I have can show more emotion, is less shy and be a bit more entertaining. So tonight, it was really nice how we had a reunion with most of the old buddies at SCAC at Janice's place. It's was very heart-warming and I totally appreciate it. Sucky as that I couldn't get to talk to most of the people while eating. I also don't like the limelight, I am just a shy person. I don't know how to handle myself with a lot of attention. I just don't know what to do. I am also very slow spoken so not really a guy to entertain everybody. But I do have a lot to tell the guys.

It was good Michael was here. Saw him first time since 4-5 years ago and he changed a bit. But it was fun and he's really funny and weird. It's so fun catching up. I can't believe how old we are. And amazed at how our friendship still stand and the love that it is there. They actually tell me stories about me that I can't remember. I was a bad kid then, I wasn't well actually, just playful. Karina told me how Danny and I tossed her into the lift...?? I don't remember. Jennifer told me how I threw a rock into the girl's cabin at night and left some undies there. Danny made the explanation that we just seeing if anybody lost their undies. So a lot of memories came back.

Have we changed? I think a little. Danny was still there. Zena, Karina, Selina, Guy, Ena, Jennifer are the same. I think some core personality stays. I probably changed a lot. I am more reserved and guarded now. I think it's how being a PK changed me and my personality. I have learned to withhold a lot of emotions, especially hurt and anger within me and not show it. I learned to keep a lot of stuff to myself. It's crappy life really, but it's for the benefits of others. And it does pay off.

Just a few days ago, I was chatting with an ex-colleague and she was actually really impressed with me. I didn't know that and as we chatted, I realized that God used me and all the suffering was worth it. I didn't let God down and His name was guarded. Even the person who was treating me like crap was moved. I was afraid that I might lose testimony and just so thankful that I didn't and everything turned out well.

At times I don't know how to deal with myself, and I think situations forced me to act certain ways. I wish I will learn more and be better at being myself. At times I feel like am containing myself a lot and just losing myself and my personality. Just too much stuff under cap.