Feel a bit like being in Riverside except I will be walking home instead of driving.
There are things that you must say and do in that moment, and you lose it all if you don't. I learnt it the hard way.
But the thing is, you only know when they passed. The thing is, there is never a perfect moment, just the moment. Nobody never really know when is the best time.
Some people call it fate, I call it trial an error, or even just trying your luck, or hit the jackpot. If you miss enough, you should win the odd to hit eventually.
It's like a slot machine. You lose enough and stay at it, you should eventually win. Of course, there are some luck people out there who just win on their first few round or the first try. But that's not for everyone. Not everybody is as lucky.
I think for me, I just don't want to change. That's why I can commit. I don't want to change my life even though I am sick of it.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Finally Started
Finally started editing MJ and Dennis' wedding video. I started on Thursday but it was more like a half day, 5 hours maybe. It's almost 9pm now and I have only started log and capturing Wilson's first tape. There's 3-4 more tapes to go. I think I just have to come in the morning to get things done. I hope the editing process will take less time. It's actually a pretty big job. But at least it's not a piece of art.
Another thing is Sunny's proposal and the videos from the wedding. Ahh. SOo much and I still have to plan my master project. I haven't even got it started yet! Bummer!!!
I have been in a flunk lately. I wanted to be more efficient and plan things ahead and live a more fulfilling life and get to do things I enjoy. I am just no a go getter. I should maybe go to CBC fellowship hahahahha.
Logging takes soo much time.
Sometimes I wonder about fate and just the timing of things, and at times I would get ashamed of myself for missing opportunities.
Another thing is Sunny's proposal and the videos from the wedding. Ahh. SOo much and I still have to plan my master project. I haven't even got it started yet! Bummer!!!
I have been in a flunk lately. I wanted to be more efficient and plan things ahead and live a more fulfilling life and get to do things I enjoy. I am just no a go getter. I should maybe go to CBC fellowship hahahahha.
Logging takes soo much time.
Sometimes I wonder about fate and just the timing of things, and at times I would get ashamed of myself for missing opportunities.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Headache
Woke up with a slight headache that doesn't bother me from functioning. Finally made a step yesterday and growing a little nervous and told me a while to get to sleep. And I actually dreamed about playing football on the field in a big competition, probably because I was thinking of that while I was trying to sleep.
Had my first Vietnamese pork roll sandwich since California and it was really really good.
Had my first Vietnamese pork roll sandwich since California and it was really really good.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
sometimes i don't know where i m going. sometimes, i feel like i don't know what i m doing half the time. you get to open the door but you never know where it will lead you once you step into it. all i got is God.
i don't know why.
today is Independence Day in US and I just wondered, "how to hug america?" I will making spin off a story idea from that. maybe a film about American expat? dunno.
在這個世界上, 有一些東西(d野)你要痛過先會明白。 當然, 你不想被傷害。 但我發現, 你越是愛，就越會有機會受傷害。我意識到，你越愛，就越痛。連你自己也幫不到自己,沒有其他辦法。因為你只可以愛......喜歡, 唔想去恨。
i don't know why.
today is Independence Day in US and I just wondered, "how to hug america?" I will making spin off a story idea from that. maybe a film about American expat? dunno.
在這個世界上, 有一些東西(d野)你要痛過先會明白。 當然, 你不想被傷害。 但我發現, 你越是愛，就越會有機會受傷害。我意識到，你越愛，就越痛。連你自己也幫不到自己,沒有其他辦法。因為你只可以愛......喜歡, 唔想去恨。
Monday, June 21, 2010
Semester Break? What to do?
I am in my first week of semester break and I really need to get a grip to make the best use of it. Motivation and organization is hard to come by for me.
First I need to finish my application.
I should keep a log and review for film I ll be watching in the break.
Gosh, I think my feeling has been rather confused ever since coming to Hong Kong, and now to Australia it just went up a level. I actually want this weird phenomenon to end, but how, I just feel very unresolved. It's like being stuck in a tunnel actually and not sure which way the exit is, where the light is. The only thing I can do is to take it step by step, and in some chases take my time as if this place is permanent, take care of each day, make the best out of what I go at where I am.
First I need to finish my application.
I should keep a log and review for film I ll be watching in the break.
Gosh, I think my feeling has been rather confused ever since coming to Hong Kong, and now to Australia it just went up a level. I actually want this weird phenomenon to end, but how, I just feel very unresolved. It's like being stuck in a tunnel actually and not sure which way the exit is, where the light is. The only thing I can do is to take it step by step, and in some chases take my time as if this place is permanent, take care of each day, make the best out of what I go at where I am.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
don't get it
I think I am a subtle person yet I don't exactly understand subtly.
I think I carry with myself some elements of Chinese subtly but I don't understand when it's coming from someone else, especially from fellow Chinese. I guess they are on another level of subtlety.
This thought came about with me not really understanding if my landlord is leaving food out there for me or not and why I don't see much food left for me recently. And has stopped asking me to join them for dinner. I don't really know why. She used to ask me to join them.
I think I carry with myself some elements of Chinese subtly but I don't understand when it's coming from someone else, especially from fellow Chinese. I guess they are on another level of subtlety.
This thought came about with me not really understanding if my landlord is leaving food out there for me or not and why I don't see much food left for me recently. And has stopped asking me to join them for dinner. I don't really know why. She used to ask me to join them.
Monday, May 24, 2010
人生有幾多個十年？
人 生有幾多個十年？
人生有幾多個十年？我已有了四個！
第一個十年我還時乳 臭未乾的小孩，想不起我當時有什麼感覺，最大的煩惱可能是如何把書讀好，幻想與前座的女同學如何拍拖吧。
第二個十年我是一個入世未深的小 伙子，當時仍然在學，憤世嫉俗兼且思想幼稚，最大的理想相信是如何追女仔。
第三個十年我是一家大機構中的一名小職員，當時還天天渾渾噩噩 的過日子。記得在畢業後剛出來工作的時後，我最大的目標就是要在三十歲前上位，當個經理仔或者小主管也成，所以到了第三個十年的時候，當時的感受我現在還 記得清清楚楚。三十歲時，在那一家大機構工作已有好幾年但仍然是一事無成，當時已很憂慮自己的前途，若繼續留下，三五七年後要當個小主管應該不難，但之後 又如何呢，留在那裡工作直至退休？但又深信沒有一家機構可以付託終身的，眼見外面天大地大，所以毅然放棄安穩的工作，最後找了一份飛不停的工作，到外面闖 一闖開一開眼界。
剛擁有第四個十年了，在事業上算不上太好，但也不致於太差，算是比上不足比下有餘吧，但回顧這些日子，自己差不 多把所有的精力全用在工作上，開始覺得不能長此下去，所以自己正在求變。寫Blog是我求變的其中之一，寫Blog有點像寫日記，不同的是我的所思所想能 跟你們分享，幾年後看回我寫的東西和你們的留言時，我一定會發現樂趣無窮。
人生有幾多個十年！唔，餘下來的幾個十年，我要和內子好好過日 子
http://bittermelon2009.blogspot.com/2009/05/blog-post_11.html
Friday, April 16, 2010
I do like Australia more than Hong Kong. The people here are just nicer, more positive, friendlier and much less materialistic. It's easier to talk to people here. The thing in Hong Kong is that even if you find someone you can talk to, it's hard to find time. People are just less important. People don't seem to make ways to people. Maybe that's just my experience. I find myself bending for others and not much people getting out of their way for me. And I got sick of it.
Some people in Hong Kong are like black boxes. You can know them for like 3 years and still don't know them. I don't know what is wrong with them. Selfish in a way, that they can't even get out of their ways or habits for others. Hong Kongers are also very subjective. Just this weird Hong Kongness.
I love Hong Kong but I must say it's hard to love it. It's like a helpless spoiled child who can't even help himself.
It's like a crazy zoo, everybody are busily running aimlessly while the boat is heading towards a waterfall.
A better analogy would be people on a sinking large boat are all individually trying to dry their spot on the boat yet no one is trying to cover up the hole that is letting the water in and sinking the boat.
It's selfishness. It's short-sightedness and narrow thinking.
Recently, actually just last month in March, the HK gov't is proposing to lower pay scale of some civil servants and teachers. I was pretty upset and pissed about it. The government's logic is that since the economy is bad with average salary of the private sector dropping, the government can do so as well. It figures that gov't jobs are still very attractive and competitive against the private sector even if a downsized pay scale. It's true. Government jobs are still very attractive especially with more regular hours, good salary comparatively and relatively much more stable.
It all look very reasonable, so why am I upset? Well, because cost of living has not necessarily gone down. For those of us who have been living in Hong Kong for the past 3-4 years or so, we saw a huge jump in cost of living, mainly from the cost of food and housing. Simply speaking, it cost more to maintain the same standard of living now than 3-4 years ago so by lowering salary, hundreds of civil servants and teachers will see their standard of living compromised by a rather rich government.
What's upsetting is that the Hong Kong government does have money. It, by no mean, a poor government unable to maintain the same salary level. It has billions of dollar stacked up in its foreign reserve. Don't get me wrong, I am not for HK government to spend recklessly or any type of fiscal irresponsibility, but the gov't can definitely afford to keep the salary level. It actually should adjust salary with inflation. Why be so cheap?
I am particularly angry at the Hong Kong government for lowering the pay scale for new teachers. I find it disrespectful to the profession of teaching. This is an opportunity, a good time to recruit talents to becoming teachers. In northern Europe and Australia, teacher is considered to be a profession of high esteem, especially in northern Europe. The top graduates of universities go and become teachers and even ex-teachers are highly sole-after by companies, the private sectors. The society respects teachers and hold them in high esteem. One reason is that teachers are paid well. The best want to be teachers. I think it's more than just the attractive salary but that is definitely part of it. But you can see that those government view teachers in high esteem and importance, and they are. Education is vital to the future of any place, and Hong Kong is no exception.
The contradiction with Hong Kong is that its people are great believers in education like many other Asians. Parents in Hong Kong are crazy about their kids' academic performance and success, yet the government is clueless on education. In the past decade, Hong Kongers see a government that has done more harm than good to the public education system by creating complex and experimental choices while ignoring simple truth and the advices of the people who know how to teach best, the educators.
You would see that the Hong Kong government has been consistently making choices in neglecting opportunities to improve public education, and in the meantime, made everybody from students, parents, civil servants and teachers running around crazy trying to simple do what they are suppose to do.
If you talk to people who work in a school, they would tell you that it's like they are fighting a war against the EMB then the EDB. What has the government been doing the past decade? Changing the education system continuously with educators, parents and students running around like confused laboratory experiment mouse. It forced many experienced educators into retirement with fantastic retirement packages (at the same time getting a lot of senior educators out of the system), forcing veteran teachers to pass high-stake standardize exams on subjects they have been teaching for years (and when they don't pass, they either can't teach anymore or do a master), killing schools (putting well-trained and educated teachers out of work as well as deserting multi-million dollar school campuses into useless buildings) and along other things.
Some people in Hong Kong are like black boxes. You can know them for like 3 years and still don't know them. I don't know what is wrong with them. Selfish in a way, that they can't even get out of their ways or habits for others. Hong Kongers are also very subjective. Just this weird Hong Kongness.
I love Hong Kong but I must say it's hard to love it. It's like a helpless spoiled child who can't even help himself.
It's like a crazy zoo, everybody are busily running aimlessly while the boat is heading towards a waterfall.
A better analogy would be people on a sinking large boat are all individually trying to dry their spot on the boat yet no one is trying to cover up the hole that is letting the water in and sinking the boat.
It's selfishness. It's short-sightedness and narrow thinking.
Recently, actually just last month in March, the HK gov't is proposing to lower pay scale of some civil servants and teachers. I was pretty upset and pissed about it. The government's logic is that since the economy is bad with average salary of the private sector dropping, the government can do so as well. It figures that gov't jobs are still very attractive and competitive against the private sector even if a downsized pay scale. It's true. Government jobs are still very attractive especially with more regular hours, good salary comparatively and relatively much more stable.
It all look very reasonable, so why am I upset? Well, because cost of living has not necessarily gone down. For those of us who have been living in Hong Kong for the past 3-4 years or so, we saw a huge jump in cost of living, mainly from the cost of food and housing. Simply speaking, it cost more to maintain the same standard of living now than 3-4 years ago so by lowering salary, hundreds of civil servants and teachers will see their standard of living compromised by a rather rich government.
What's upsetting is that the Hong Kong government does have money. It, by no mean, a poor government unable to maintain the same salary level. It has billions of dollar stacked up in its foreign reserve. Don't get me wrong, I am not for HK government to spend recklessly or any type of fiscal irresponsibility, but the gov't can definitely afford to keep the salary level. It actually should adjust salary with inflation. Why be so cheap?
I am particularly angry at the Hong Kong government for lowering the pay scale for new teachers. I find it disrespectful to the profession of teaching. This is an opportunity, a good time to recruit talents to becoming teachers. In northern Europe and Australia, teacher is considered to be a profession of high esteem, especially in northern Europe. The top graduates of universities go and become teachers and even ex-teachers are highly sole-after by companies, the private sectors. The society respects teachers and hold them in high esteem. One reason is that teachers are paid well. The best want to be teachers. I think it's more than just the attractive salary but that is definitely part of it. But you can see that those government view teachers in high esteem and importance, and they are. Education is vital to the future of any place, and Hong Kong is no exception.
The contradiction with Hong Kong is that its people are great believers in education like many other Asians. Parents in Hong Kong are crazy about their kids' academic performance and success, yet the government is clueless on education. In the past decade, Hong Kongers see a government that has done more harm than good to the public education system by creating complex and experimental choices while ignoring simple truth and the advices of the people who know how to teach best, the educators.
You would see that the Hong Kong government has been consistently making choices in neglecting opportunities to improve public education, and in the meantime, made everybody from students, parents, civil servants and teachers running around crazy trying to simple do what they are suppose to do.
If you talk to people who work in a school, they would tell you that it's like they are fighting a war against the EMB then the EDB. What has the government been doing the past decade? Changing the education system continuously with educators, parents and students running around like confused laboratory experiment mouse. It forced many experienced educators into retirement with fantastic retirement packages (at the same time getting a lot of senior educators out of the system), forcing veteran teachers to pass high-stake standardize exams on subjects they have been teaching for years (and when they don't pass, they either can't teach anymore or do a master), killing schools (putting well-trained and educated teachers out of work as well as deserting multi-million dollar school campuses into useless buildings) and along other things.
Friday, March 19, 2010
2nd week and 3rd week
It's actually only the end of my second week back in Sydney, Australia but it feels longer because of all the work I have been doing and been actually quite busy.
I don't understand exactly on why. It's a mystery. I have a tendency here to wake up earlier than I want to here. I am not sure if it's because the blinds don't exactly work to block out the bright Australian morning sun from illuminating my room in all its splendor.
I wonder if it's fate. Why do I feel this way? Why is that actually. What's going on?
I decided not to see the basketball game last night because I was just dead tire. I woke up early again today however, got about 6 hours of sleep and it's a bit weird now, having so much time yet i don't want to do any school stuff. at the time during the week, i really wanted to write but couldn't and now that i can, i can't find things to write yet at the same time i am writing.
i went to swim in the pool for the first time in Australia since '96. That's pretty crazy. I went with Paupau to the Hurstville Aquatic Centre and the facility is really nice there.
i don't feel like cleaning up my room, but i know i should, it would make me feel so much better. I should do some writing or better, at least some reading but i am actually getting a little tire. part of me just don't want to think to hard.
it takes me about 20 minutes to walk to and from the station and it often gives me the time to just think, especially at night when i walk back if i am not too tire. i like walking, even if a bad leg.
it was nice at the aquatic centre and i should really take advantage of my student concession card while I can. i thought about the life i want to live and Australia kind of fit the bill.
what do i really wanna do? i want to be able to go to seminary or Bible college as they call it here, and do a grad dip and maybe later a master. raise a family, have a 9-5 job that afford me the things i need to live on and to save for purchase of a house. fall in love with a girl who also would love me, who love God, have a few kids. and every once in a while go dine in a nice restaurant with her. sounds quite simple but i don't think that is.
i think my life is that, i can't really plan. i don't know about the future. i don't know about the next 2 years. I can't see what's going to happen. I am just taking it step by step. And maybe that's how i should go at it in everything. i often put my future on hold because of my restlessness or inability to stay or feel to be in any place permanently. it could be Australia.
today while wrestling not to get up, i half dreamed about how when i was still inside my mom i had the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and the doctor decided that i needed to be taken out to save me from suffocating, one of my leg was turning blue due to the lack of oxygen. it was funny, i was looking at all these happening as a 3rd person, watching myself in the womb, the umbilical cord around me, getting pulled out.
I felt like as if God saved my life and allowed me to live. that was comforting. made me feel special in some way.
I don't understand exactly on why. It's a mystery. I have a tendency here to wake up earlier than I want to here. I am not sure if it's because the blinds don't exactly work to block out the bright Australian morning sun from illuminating my room in all its splendor.
I wonder if it's fate. Why do I feel this way? Why is that actually. What's going on?
I decided not to see the basketball game last night because I was just dead tire. I woke up early again today however, got about 6 hours of sleep and it's a bit weird now, having so much time yet i don't want to do any school stuff. at the time during the week, i really wanted to write but couldn't and now that i can, i can't find things to write yet at the same time i am writing.
i went to swim in the pool for the first time in Australia since '96. That's pretty crazy. I went with Paupau to the Hurstville Aquatic Centre and the facility is really nice there.
i don't feel like cleaning up my room, but i know i should, it would make me feel so much better. I should do some writing or better, at least some reading but i am actually getting a little tire. part of me just don't want to think to hard.
it takes me about 20 minutes to walk to and from the station and it often gives me the time to just think, especially at night when i walk back if i am not too tire. i like walking, even if a bad leg.
it was nice at the aquatic centre and i should really take advantage of my student concession card while I can. i thought about the life i want to live and Australia kind of fit the bill.
what do i really wanna do? i want to be able to go to seminary or Bible college as they call it here, and do a grad dip and maybe later a master. raise a family, have a 9-5 job that afford me the things i need to live on and to save for purchase of a house. fall in love with a girl who also would love me, who love God, have a few kids. and every once in a while go dine in a nice restaurant with her. sounds quite simple but i don't think that is.
i think my life is that, i can't really plan. i don't know about the future. i don't know about the next 2 years. I can't see what's going to happen. I am just taking it step by step. And maybe that's how i should go at it in everything. i often put my future on hold because of my restlessness or inability to stay or feel to be in any place permanently. it could be Australia.
today while wrestling not to get up, i half dreamed about how when i was still inside my mom i had the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and the doctor decided that i needed to be taken out to save me from suffocating, one of my leg was turning blue due to the lack of oxygen. it was funny, i was looking at all these happening as a 3rd person, watching myself in the womb, the umbilical cord around me, getting pulled out.
I felt like as if God saved my life and allowed me to live. that was comforting. made me feel special in some way.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
ABout my last week in LA
Hong Kong people are generally theoretically weak. It is because not many of them, especially the brighter ones nowadays prefer to take up the arts or humanity where critical thinking, theoretical and philosophical ideas are discussed. Hong Kongers, especially the X and Yers I think go into business and the science, so there is an imbalance. Hong Kong society is imbalance in the sense that there is too much emphasis on money making, the practical, the surface and quick benefits but little emphasis on value, the arts, long-term planning and benefit.
As a result, Hong Kongers struggle to think outside of the box because they weren't trained to do that. There is also a selfish thinking of, "As long as I make it rich and well-off who cares about social injustices and violation of rights?"
The latest topics about Hong Kong is 八十後 and 高鐵.
As a result, Hong Kongers struggle to think outside of the box because they weren't trained to do that. There is also a selfish thinking of, "As long as I make it rich and well-off who cares about social injustices and violation of rights?"
The latest topics about Hong Kong is 八十後 and 高鐵.
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