sometimes, especially during long hours of OT, i wonder why the heck i am here at this spot. what am i fighting hard for? sometimes, it just seems like i m giving so much for so little, getting so little back. of course, everything is actually for granted.

someone once told me that it is just the way it is, the ones can give will have to give themselves out to others. it's almost like a duty.

i think working ot really mess up my sleeping pattern. i get really tire at work and also on the way back from work but after coming home, i just have trouble sleeping. my head seems to be on overdrive with a million things on my mind. i guess part of me unconsciously wants to make up for those free personal time by...trying to do many things at once yet at the same time i would accomplish none.

i wish things can be different yet i think i learn how precious time is and the situation makes me think about..."what the heck am i doing here?"

Temporary Dictators of Roman Republic and Empire

Before there was the Roman Empire, there was the Roman Republic and they had temporary dictators at time of crisis. When there was a crisis like an invasion, civil war, economic turmoil, the 2 consuls (elected by citizens) would appoint very capable person, as the "supreme commander-in-chiefs", temporary "dictator" for a period of time (maxium 6 months but it could be extended)granted with almost unlimited power. And then after the crisis was solved or over (or if he failed), the "dictator" would return to his normal life farming the in the countryside (most early Romans were farmers).

That's kind of unbelievable for me. For someone not to be corrupted by power with such loyalty to the state.

I was shopping around the area around my work for something healthy to eat and I realized that I don't have much choices. Can't eat food made with eggs because cheap eggs from Dailin which a lot of Chachantengs use have melamine in them, I can't get any drink with milk powder, creamer, milk also because of contaminated melamine milk products from China. I was thinking about getting a piece of bread but bread is make from some eggs and milk products. Eggs actually take away a lot of the food off the list, steam egg, fried rice, egg salad and etc. And meat isn't such a great idea either after being warned about chicken, pigs and cows eating messive amount of genetically altered corn based food which is rich in omega 6 which increases risk of cancer. Oh crap, my family has a history of cancer. Can i get a goat or lamp chop? Salad? The only place that serves salad around here in McDonald's. I really miss American fastfood with their extensive menu from chili, potato, side salad, taco salad, burritoes and giant burger and thick shake with real strawberries.

Pass It On

A lot of sick news today. Just crooked. Couple of suicides and suicide attempts in Hong Kong involving head nurse who was overstressed at work, middle-age woman who gone crazy (emotionally unstable) probably over relationship problem, high ranking police officer who shot himself in the chest because of pressure. And also this crazy guy who punched and stuffed banana into a local democratic legco councilor. the worst one is from Australia, where a man broke into an apartment with 3 students. Forced 2 of the victims to strip and they fall off from the 3rd floor probably in an attempt to escape. The girl fell to her death from the 3rd floor while the guy is in severe condition after breaking several bones. The other 2 girls in the apartment are in very emotional state. it was just...so perverted. like something from a sick holloween movie, perverted movie that is. there are some out there. of course there are a whole lot of good things people are doing out there, but still, so many people out there are in such a sick state that it's depressing. Jesus.

All these things remind me that there is a need for God out there in the world. The human race needs a cure. We sang this song, "Pass it on" at church on Sunday and I didn't think much of it as I was singing it except on how much better it is in English despite of the nice translation by Yip Sir. I also thought about how I don't really have that fire in me to share the good news to people around me.




PASS IT ON

It only takes a spark to get a fire going,
And soon all those around can warm up in its glowing;
That's how it is with God's Love,
Once you've experienced it,
Your spread the love to everyone
You want to pass it on.

What a wonderous time is spring,
When all the tress are budding
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming;
That's how it is with God's love,
Once you've experienced it.
You want to sing, it's fresh like spring,
You want to pass it on.

I wish for you my friend
This happiness that I've found;
You can depend on God
It matters not where you're bound,
I'll shout it from the mountain top (PRAISE GOD!)
I want the world to know
The Lord of love has come to me
I want to pass it on.

I'll shout it from the mountain top (PRAISE GOD!)
I want the world to know
The Lord of love has come to me
I want to pass it on.





John 3:16
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in him should not perish,
but have everlasting life."

We do take it for granted. And for God's love to spread, we need to love others. That's how we show God's love to others, we act as the moon, reflecting the sunlight.




At work we used to get "free tea" every once in a while when coworkers passed their probation period or got promotions, but now...thanks to the lack of team spirit from the Chinese department, the great trend has faded.

work is weird. i expected to be really busy last week but instead i actually ended up being able to leave work on time pretty much most of the days. it's just not predictable and this week, i have something due wednesday and i just received the assignment this afternoon. i expecting myself to OT several hours this week to finish everything up.

Morning of Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

There is a struggle with my consicousness as I am typing up the revision sheet to the EDB for our history textbook. I don't agree with some of the changes in content we are making. Some are alright, but some are rather contraversial and are highly debatable. Yes, a scholar, a very well-respected scholar who is considered to be an "authority" on the subject matter made those common, but I have to question (1) if we are making the correct revision in response to his comments and suggestions and (2) is his viewpoint absolute? There are "authorities" in the history field but different scholars don't agree with one another. To be accurate, we need to get the view points of most respected scholar and make a decision.

High school history textbook is a very generalized version of history. It is not suppose to be very detailed, that's for university and graduate school level. High school history is suppose to help students to have a notion of history.

We have our text reviewed by a Prof. Wang who is an authority of Chinese political history and lived through the Cultural Revolution so he is viewed by many as an authority of the CR. However, in term of scholarship, his CR work is actually not yet on a par with the best. I think he is somewhat overrated because he is one of the rare sources of CR. But from his work on CR, he only gives a very narrowed view on CR, which is through his view at the village level. He never mentioned anything about whole picture or the political aspects. His point is actually quite naive. If he was in a more competitive field of history, such as the American Civil War, or Soviet History, then his work would just be totally ignored. One of the main thing about him is that he is "connected", he can get sources that other from outside can't.

說新民主主義文化“亦須包涵社會主義的內容”恐引起誤解，因為毛澤東明確說，新民主主義文化在整體上不是社會主義的。

I think Chinese have to stop lying to themselves about what they believe in. Is the Communist Party of China really practicing communism, socialims or marxism? No.

有誤導性。當時被逮捕的地主是地主中很少一部分，他們是“惡霸地主”；被處決的是更小一部分，他們是“罪大惡極”的、“有血債”的“惡霸地主”。

That is sooo subjective. How do you define “有血債”的“惡霸地主”?