Thursday, December 17, 2009

and back

I m in the Wanchai office and I feel kind of sick, I feel a slight headache and feel quite nauseated here. The air is bad from outside the window and there is someone smoking in the kitchen here every now and then. It's just a bad environment to work in. It does cause sickness and it's pollution caused. Also there is this office up stair which is innovating so there's a lot of construction noise from up there. It's horrendous here.

Being back at church, I get busy pretty quickly. I have to lead Bible study, Isaiah, which is not too bad but the thing is that I am working at the same time. It's not bad but then I am surprised at how busy I can get with helping out and be in the middle of other stuff.

One realization is that there are so much stuff to be done, so much to do but the doers are little. There's not a lot of doers. I get calls to do this and that sometimes and I do think about why it's me.

Organization is lacking too. I realized that probably most people are not into the grind work in church. It's not fun. You don't get noticed, you don't get fame but it's all important. It's the gel, the glue and let everything be together. Organization is very loose. I think it's part of culture here and relationship can be better. There is a good number of people who would only appear when there's something fun and interesting to do. It's lonely for the doers. I do lonely at times and I don't get much support.

I am not sure if it's with being a PK, I don't get to be invited to a lot of the fun stuff but I get called on for grind work a lot. It's like as if I am paid staff or something but I am not. I am just another person at church. Maybe I am reliable or something, or maturer. Actually that's what Pastor Yap told me, it's always the capable who are doing stuff. Not really actually, I see a lot of people who are capable but they just decide to do stuff outside of church.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

First week in Hong Kong

It just past my first week in Hong Kong and started my second week at Visible Record.

Hong Kong is a place that's kind of unsettling for me. I don't feel very natural here. This place makes me think and makes me be more restless than usual. I just have this very strange relationship with this place. I think I do sleep better back in my room, even though it's more of a hole than a room.

I think it is the culture. Hong Kong is not a very natural place, that's the reason why so many people who left Hong Kong for study never come back. It is a very competitive place but at the same time, the pot is not that big. It's also, for me, quite an illogical place filled with contradiction.

And, people, other than those in service professions (even that is questioned), are quite rude.

Hong Kong people talk a lot but seems to lack the ability to solve long-term problems. Basically, a lot of talk but not much action. There are many ways that they are just not that mature. They are really smart at getting shortcuts, getting meager tasks done quickly (but not necessarily well) and taking advantage of others and arguing but as for actual work, I am not to sure about.

There is also a stubbornness also.

At the same time, I don't think the Hong Kongers of this age are the same as the ones who made this place great. People have become very greedy and selfish. But actually, that is the trend of the world, I see it in America too, but it is not so wide spread. For America, that would be true for those who are rich and in power, but here, it extends across classes and is quite general.

I think the environment is a factor. People have to survive, people are less secure here. It is true, especially when comparing with Australia. So, in a sense, I don't really blame Hong Kongers for the way they are but at the same time I think there can be improvement. I believe in social betterment. It has to do with being an idealist. I have ideals.

Another thing is Hong Kong lack long-term vision and purpose. Everybody knows about this but not much has been acted on it. I believe the government has a huge responsibility in that. People pay tax and give so much resource to it, it should take care of people's future.

On the street, I look around and I see children, lively children, as smart as any in the world and I worry about them. What would they do when they grow up? What world will they be living in? Will they have a job with a livable income? Will there be opportunity to fulfill their potential?

What will they learn in the coming years? How to be a smart-mouth? To be rude and disrespectful? It seems that way. Well, there are many good kids as I seen from my experience working in school, but what culture are we to give them?

What culture do we want to give them for them to live in?

I am dissatisfied with this society and I envision a much better place and I want, in the very lease, so effort to make a difference, to make some improvement.

In Hong Kong, there is always this complain of American or western "individualism" but I must say, China has not been able to be "united" for a very long time. It's a modern Chinese syndrome, Chinese just can't work with one another. Harmony is a myth in China. People are selfish and greedy and sometimes they don't even know it. Money is paramount. You talk about money and everybody will listen. Money is god in China.

Same goes to Hong Kong.

In Hong Kong, teachers find students to be harder to teach to, church pastors find it hard to lead, parents find kids to be harder to please and raise. We have an unhealthy culture here.

I am not sure if it's the invasion of capitalism without a strong moral backbone. The western world has a Judea-Christian background which is its moral guide, but what about China? Hong Kong? China, thanks to the Communist Party, has a huge spiritual and moral vacuum. Hong Kong? It doesn't really appreciate its background, its history, and it's just finding out now about what history is. It's a young city really.

How about the church? It is being invaded by worldly ideas. I think it has to do with people's lack of this consciousness that we are in this fight. There is a spiritual warfare and we are suppose to be ready and be light and salt but for some reason, we like to fight against one another. Just weird. It's the lack of purpose.

So what do I think of this place? I find this place sad and pathetic. I love it but it griefs me. I can tell the people over and over again what can be improved but there would be no response and the ones working are few and tire.

In a sense, we are coming to an end. Our children will live in a place less than the one we have today. All we have is hope. The future is bleak, especially for the poor and even the lower middle class. Actually it is same for middle-class but most of them don't know it yet, it doesn't quite touch their nerve yet.

So here we are at this world that is not getting better for the most of us, but we must and have to go on (fight on). We will only live once and this is all we got. This actually makes me think of Ecclesiastes and how true it is.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Back in Hong Kong

So I came back to Hong Kong after 4 nights and 3 days in Singapore. A badly scheduled trip, usually people would go for 3 nights and 4 days to maximize time and cost but yeah, i wasn't thinking carefully when I made the flight plan and so I paid for it. But the stopover was good. Singapore is a very nice city and I do compare it to Hong Kong a lot. Actually, I like to find something from else where that can be used to solve problems or be used in Hong Kong. I unconsciously also do that for LA in the area of transportation.

There are actually a lot to see in Singapore, the place is not as bland as it first seems. And it has changed so much since I was there last time and you wouldn't notice it if you were just joining a tour. It's different when you are walking the streets and using the publi transport.

Man, the chinese documentaries are good.

I met up with Wing Yan on my last day there at Singapore. She showed me different places in Singapore and we had a great time, then we met up with her mom at Ion, Orchard Road. It's a bit funny really, how we were able to meet up after such a long time. Is it fate? I bet it is. She is coming over to Hong Kong in December, and hopefully my left leg ligament will recovered by then so I can go hiking with her.

Coming back to Hong Kong I have to get use to that small room, the people and my mom again. Other than the 3 years here, I have been on my own for 4-5 years so I am quite independent. I think as a result, I am not afraid to be alone, I feel quite free when alone and I do need my alone quiet time every once in a while. It was a daily thing in Australia and US when I did get the morning or late night to myself to do my own things like journaling, reflecting, writing and etc. Being back in the family is different.

Sunday sermon was really good. It was good to be back in Tin Chuen and seeing fellow bros and sisters again.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

nostalgia

"every time i see your house, i feel nostalgic." Mandy

Awkward Station

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

等什麼?

我們還等什麼呢?等世界末日? 等耶穌回來? 那不是太晚了?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

under stress

my mind tells me to do distracting things when I m stressed and need to get something done, like writing new articles on wikipedia.

Monday, November 9, 2009

a culture of sorry

In the western world, and in my case, that would be America, we have a culture of apologizing or saying sorry. To be sorry is a good thing and people are generally very sympathetic, understanding, appreciative and nice to people who apologize.

We do that quite a lot, to say sorry, and also to say thank you. Some people might think we over do it quite a bit, and part of it is a courteous thing. But it's not bad, or wrong. It might be a bit superficial at times but then who isn't? We are all superficial at some times or another, and I don't think it's wrong to be superficial courteous just to be nice to someone, even when it's not natural to us. And in some ways, it's how we learn to become nice and better people.

To me, it's part of a process to love others who you wouldn't really care for.

There are times when I don't feel like saying "hi" or be nice to people who are not nice in general, but I push myself to be nice disregardingly sometimes. Not all the time, because I am not perfect, but it is a process.

It's very different for Chinese or maybe even perhaps in Asian society, especially in Chinese society, where it's hard for anybody to admit wrongs. For some Chinese, or people, admitting wrong means demotion or the end of something.

And I think it has to do with how Chinese are less forgiving people and that notion of "face." I understand it, and I think it has to do with the different culture.

The western world is hugely influenced by the Judaeo-Christian tradition with Christ as the Saviour who was sent to us by grace. There is a notion that we are all bad people, sinners and that God's forgiveness is something that we don't deserve. I think that has something to do with how Americans are more forgiving and appreciative of people who admit wrongs and apologize.

I like how I grew up in Australia and America, and be exposed to this alternative way or western way of thinking and attitude. I find it a bit troubling living in Hong Kong because in ways, I can't be so nice and soft, because there are people out there who would just swallow and jump at you for being nice and soft, not seeing that as strength, but weakness and opportunity to bite and bring you down.

For me, I believe it takes more to forgive and apologize then to be on the offensive. It's easy to blame and criticize someone. We are all faulty and each of us has parts that are ugly and not so pleasing. Our characters are flawed. We are all losers in some ways. We are all unperfect. In fact, we all have some genetic disorders, it just that most of them aren't that noticeable or so bad that prevent us from our common lives.

I believe in inclusion. We are all craps, in a good way, and we should all take care of one another. I don't think any of us deserve everything that we have. A lot of stuff are given to us, there are many things we never earned but we do have them.

I never earned to have parents, to have my siblings, financial aid, tuition help, strangers being nice to me, friendships, food and shelter and a whole lot of other things as well as God. I never earned God's love. In fact, I could never do that and could never return that great love.

And in a sense, that knowledge empowers me and give me strength to do stuff my selfish self wouldn't probably do on a daily basis.

I m taken care of by the Almighty God. I am an empty vessel and the goods is the Almighty God of the entire universe and beyond. When you think about it, it's humbling and amazing at the same time. I think the important part that I have to keep in mind is to check myself. Make sure that I am humble and not doing and acting upon myself, but have God in mind. And we are all going to fall short of that but it is a process. Ultimately, it's what HE wants to be done, not what I want to do. God is to be a part of everything I do.

My audience is God. I do for Him, not the crowd, not the mass, not the critics, but God Himself, and that's actually should a lot of pressure but at the same time, He is understanding and has a great love. And it's because of this great love that we love.

So, thank you, thank you for this great love. It's for you and I will work hard and try.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

tire

i have been tire for the past few days, i m not sure if it's because i have been sleeping late or just not getting good quality sleep or been in front of a computer monitor for too long.

it's difficult to write this documentary. it's a lot of search of the soul and organizing of the mind. i wish jeni gave me some better structure on writing a treatment.

i need a bigger monitor. like a 17 in. or larger. my eyes are really tire.

Friday, November 6, 2009

something about late night

there's something about late night that it's so peaceful.

i don't know. i m tire but i don't want to sleep and at the same time i feel empty.

it's a strange stage between awake and asleep and all the guards are down.

life is beautiful.

on friday, i finally heard from my old friend from high school who i lost touch with at least 1 year if not 2. anyway, since going back to LA in the summer of '07. it was strange seeing him online again. he was on yahoo talk.

on my adium contact, most people are americans, and then honkies as they refer to people from hong kong here in australia and then very few people who i befriended with in australia, mostly the basketball guys and schoolmates i work a lot with.

it's going to be a tough few days to the finish line and i am somewhat disappointed with my progress but not time to beat up myself. just have to try better tomorrow and i better get some sleep. i think my head is telling me that as well as my eyes but my mind wants to type.

janice and ben from small group are going to hk in november but janice will be leaving the day i arrive. i m thinking about leaving singapore a day early because i think 3 days is enough for singapore already. actually i think 2 days would be enough. 1 more day would be too much an singapore is not cheap. i actually don't like my flight to singapore coz it's a evening flight and i arrive there at late night... i rather get there in the late morning, like a day. i ll call tomorrow to see if i can reschedule.

i realize that i need to use an organizer. i used to use an organizer in high school, before fast internet and all the applications on internet. i think i should buy one of those smart phone. i might get the nokia e63 on 3 when i get back to Oz. but the e71 looks so much better. e63 looks cheap and it is much cheaper and has basically all i need. iphone? it's super cool but it cost heap more. it's super cool though. but i m not sure if it's my style, i m going to drop it so many times. i don't think it will last 2 years, least say one year. i need a rough phone.

i do like living here a whole lot than hk. it's more normal here and it's not too far from HK like US.

i really need a job when i come back. i m gonna try really hard getting a job then, but i have a theory that the 19 and under as well as the foreigners are getting all the cheap part-time jobs i want to get. all of them are like chinese. i don't think they are getting the australian standard pay, they are getting like 10 or 14 cash. by law i think i get at least 19 bucks per hour. it's so hard and most stores only hire girls.

centerlink would be a better option for me but man hkep haven't gotten back to me. complication.

i need to plan ahead. get down. i think it gonna require a lot of work to stay here. i need to find a job, a full-time job when i m out of uts. hopefully the job market would open up then. actually, i m thinking whether i should start to look for a full-time job when i come back, so to give a try. the only thing is fee-help. if i can work and get fee-help at the same time then it's all okay.

then, maybe i can move out. i love living at the wong's but i don't know, i feel like i cause inconvenience for them. and it's better if i can live closer to city but the expense would be a lot higher so i need at least income before even thinking about that seriously.

i don't mind doing part-time next year and try to look for a full-time job. most of my classmates are doing part-time. and the cool thing about australia is that you can do that. your job, well, most job doesn't kill you out of a life like in hong kong. people get to do all kind of stuff outside of work. that's balanced life! i would love hong kong if i get a good income, have a good motivating job, balanced life and such but that's hard in hong kong.

i want to take things slow anyway. 3 classes actually a lot, especially during crunch time. it would be good if i can do 2 classes really well. or do one class. i wish i can take more classes though, there are just so much to learn. i really envy the undergrad. most of them are technically really good. and i want to be as good technically as them, except they get about 3x the time i get.

it ll be nice if i can settle here, make it my base and then go to hong kong once so often and later on, have hong kong as like a second home. if i can earn a good stable income and do my own projects with my spare time and holiday. that would be ideal.

better to be in a job where i can do what i like.

a lot of australians take 1-2 years off after high school or uni to go backpacking or volunteer to work somewhere. pretty amazing. very different from the mentality in hong kong or even the US. and i thought i spent too much time in hong kong. well, a little, jobwise at least. i knew early on that i didn't belong there and i stuck with both of them more than i wanted to. maybe a bit too long but i think there is a timing up there.

maybe i would understand it one day looking back, and actually, i think i do. i do appreciate it even though it was tough on many levels.

tomorrow i m off to celebrate my good friend's belated birthday. he's turning actually he turned 25 already and he was my best friend in primary school. i haven't gotten anything for him so i must get up early tomorrow and scramble and then do my assignments.

ah, let's go to sleep and get some good rest!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Request Answered!

Amazingly, God gave me the possibility to work for a Hong Kong documentary filmmaker Tammy Cheung for the summer. The only thing is that...it might be more than what I asked for.

Tammy said the post-production would be tedious and see how I would like it. Urrr. SOunds like Hong Kong again. But sacrifice must be made.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

End of the Semester

so time flies and I am at the LAST WEEK of my first semester at University of Technology, Sydney (UTS).

and here I am with less than 5 days, in a mad dash to the finish line in just little more than 4 days to go to finish my stop-motion animation and my 12-15 page documentary film script/treatment/essay.

i just went to the last Focus meeting of the year and we had Thomas graduating along with others.

just great props to the leaders at Focus for being so generous, loving and service. Kian, Paul, Kevin, John, Thomas and others were just super. So kind and humble. Where do you get these people? Especially Kevin, John and Thomas...so pure, gentle, humble, ready to serve with such obedience. Selfless. They are like peace, you become peaceful near them.

the song, Leaving On The Jetplane by John Denver came to mind, and I think it's because I am not going to see them for a while.

sometimes i wish the world is like that, people doing good with no selfish motives, being there just to serve, not to gain whatever and they do get blessed, believe me.

James and Lee Anne with their two very young sons, one being just 6 months old are going to China. and part of me think, that's nuts. your kid is barely half a year old and you are going to China? people in China want to come over here and you are going over there, and without a job!!?!?! are you guys crazy? You don't know the language? Why are you doing this?

That's what happens I guess, when you get called. You just do it.

It's impractical and in worldly sense, it's stupid but there is something more than the world.

So, thank you and good luck. May the Lord be with you and take care of the little ones. Emmanuel.

-and i should get back to work.

Friday, October 2, 2009

INSOMNIA

INSOMNIA

Watching movie and reading books in bed helps one fall asleep.

I finally had a haircut in the afternoon yesterday. And now although my eyes are telling me to sleep, I somehow don't want to.

i feel there are many unfinished task. I have somewhat a more eventful weekend which I am having some trouble allotting the time to fit everything in. I am listening to music from 25th Hour, the Spike Lee movie I need to analyze. I guess I can analyze the music but that's not my part.

i feel like i aged here, this place certainly makes me feel old with all the people who are grown up. my friends often remind me of how old we are. my old friend Danny is turning 27 this Sunday and soon I will follow. according to them, i m the baby of '82. going back to school make me feel a bit old and i do spend a lot of time hanging with younger people.

like playing basketball i mostly play with undergrad, i just came back from a small retreat where there was someone who was 18 and i was like, 8 years older even though i don't think i felt that much older, i certainly don't look and act like it.

a lot of people telling me of time, about the big 30, the gate, the deadlines and i just basically just ignore them thinking that's something for another day yet it's true that things are heading this way. will it be more difficult later?

at times i do feel older, i m no longer a undergrad, i don't take order from everybody anymore. my tolerance for disrespectful attitude is lower now. i have more head knowledge and snare at some immature acts. i m more outspoken than before, there's nothing wrong with that, it's actually more healthy, but i realized that this inner self which has maybe less patience for injustice, stupidity and demands more respect.

i m not sure if that's age. part of me feel like a veteran while being the new kid on the block at the same time.

part of me don't act my age but what is my age? everybody develop differently. well, i m finding my ground here all over again, and i can't help to be thankful for things i have received which i did not earn.

a thankful heart is something that i have to keep and remind myself again and again, and in ways i have to grow to be more generous. but it's good to be on the receiving side after such a long time.

by the end, i really felt i was exhausted with my reserve on a very low level that was killing me inside. it was too much crap without much support. there was just little left to give. my internal reserve was almost to an exhausted point. that's why i m quite amazed at someone like my old man, how does he do that? i was simply just reflecting off the heat and i was sucked dry. he has the heat directly on him for the past 7 plus years, how does he do that? when he was young, he was a super hero. super loving, super helping, loved people with a big heart for others, passionate and outgoing. i m very different but we got something similar, we both hold on to our values and principles with our dear hearts. we guard them with our souls. we even make sacrifices to uphold these values and principles even if it means being taken advantage of and getting dirt from people, we stand firm.

sometimes, i would think that's like the only thing i m good at and reliable on.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

INFP: Career

Whether you're a young adult trying to find your place in the world, or a not-so-young adult trying to find out if you're moving along the right path, it's important to understand yourself and the personality traits which will impact your likeliness to succeed or fail at various careers. It's equally important to understand what is really important to you. When armed with an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and an awareness of what you truly value, you are in an excellent position to pick a career which you will find rewarding.

INFPs generally have the following traits:

* Strong value systems
* Warmly interested in people
* Service-oriented, usually putting the needs of others above their own
* Loyal and devoted to people and causes
* Future-oriented
* Growth-oriented; always want to be growing in a positive direction
* Creative and inspirational
* Flexible and laid-back, unless a ruling principle is violated
* Sensitive and complex
* Dislike dealing with details and routine work
* Original and individualistic - "out of the mainstream"
* Excellent written communication skills
* Prefer to work alone, and may have problems working on teams
* Value deep and authentic relationships
* Want to be seen and appreciated for who they are

The INFP is a special, sensitive individual who needs a career which is more than a job. The INFP needs to feel that everything they do in their lives is in accordance with their strongly-felt value systems, and is moving them and/or others in a positive, growth-oriented direction. They are driven to do something meaningful and purposeful with their lives. The INFP will be happiest in careers which allow them to live their daily lives in accordance with their values, and which work towards the greater good of humanity. It's worth mentioning that nearly all of the truly great writers in the world have been INFPs.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an INFP. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Possible Career Paths for the INFP:

* Writers
* Counselors / Social Workers
* Teachers / Professors
* Psychologists
* Psychiatrists
* Musicians
* Clergy / Religious Workers

From http://www.personalitypage.com/careers.html

Friday, September 25, 2009

basketball-position-form

It's been a bit difficult for me to change into a permanent post/inside playing in an organized basketball game. 

I feel like I am losing my slasher instinct. 

I used to post only when I had someone smaller than me for me to take size advantage but now I am playing in there as the smaller person. It's hard. I am okay with getting rebound but my post game is limited. I just don't go back up against bigger guy. It's just stupid to me, so I usually pass it back out when I felt pressure or shoot the mid-range when I am open around the key. 

I am not sure if I could still play outside well after all these training playing the 4. It's a totally different mentality. And you know what? Playing inside is a lot of work, I think it's harder than playing the 2 or 3. You just have to work and fight down there in the post. Fight for opening, fight to receive the ball, fight for space, etc. 

I see how hard Shaq has to work and why he doesn't like to come out to cover shooter. It's just hard work. 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Bible Study and Prayer Meeting

There was no small group today and I actually planned to do my assignment tonight, because we have big group tomorrow night, and I thought I would spend the day scouting for locations to shoot my drama assignment. But Bible study the 1 Corinthians proved to be too much temptation. So after dinner with auntie and uncle and Tracy, we read the Bible to prepare ourselves and then Jean and Tom came. Tom was leading. He asked some tough question and only Tracy and I answered. Well the other did too, but Tracy did most of the talking. For me, I don’t know, I get such strong feeling reading the Bible every time and my head was full of questions afterward. I wanted the discussion to go on but we also had prayer meeting afterward so I held myself back.

However, it was the praying part that moved me. From their prayers, I could see how they loved the church. They prayed for everybody. They prayed for people from different congregations, different church functions, the pastors and the deacons. They prayed for different fellowships and the evangelical events happening around Australia.

It was amazing. From their prayers I could tell how much they loved one another and the church. Gosh, it was amazing. I was thinking of TC half the time and man do I wish the same thing in TC. We talked about rebuke as an act of love today and man, it was for TC. We read 2 Corinthians last year I believe but we didn’t read 1 Corinthians which I found to be a bit weird, and yea, we should have read 1 Corinthians also. Man, do I wish there are more courageous men and women at Tin Chuen that truly love the church to do what is needed of them.

There was an honesty and warmth that I felt lacking in TC. It was just hard to get that from TC. There was a respect and appreciation for the staff and a sense of self-control from the middle aged man. It's true, leadership roles should idealistically given to people mature in age. Young people, me included, are a bit hot headed and lack self-control at times and let our emotions get the better of us. I am saying 50s, but of course there are exceptions. It was here. By the time we finished praying it was pass 11pm.

Monday, September 21, 2009

illogical

I think there is a part of me that is illogical and irrational, but they are mostly on very personal things.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

lessons from basketball

I really appreciate how Alex and Ah Sang lead the basketball ministry at CBC. We are fortunately to have them leading us.

I regret on blowing steam on Carlos today. I thought I had to because I felt disrespected and that I was being misunderstood. I usually am pretty easy going and don't complain but today was just too much. We had a new guy playing the inside with me and he didn't know the form. I looked lost because he wasn't going where he was suppose to so I had to wait and see what was going on to complement him, whatever that he was doing. The guards threw bad passes and I was blamed for them. What the heck? They shouldn't be throwing the ball at me when I was turning around. They shouldn't be throwing the ball into the hands of our opponents and I didn't need them to tell me how to play defense.

I just felt like I was getting all the criticism and that wasn't fair. I didn't force the show 5 times over, I didn't just pass the ball into the opponents. I didn't turn over that ball.

I hustled, I boxed out, I ran down rebounds, I was adjusting to my new position, adjusting and helping my inside might to get into position and going the other way when he was going to the wrong spot.

But I felt like I was getting a lecture from every little mistakes I made and that wasn't fair. I actually regret when Sang came over and talked to me about what I didn't do right but I had to tell him my view. I appreciated him coming over and I probably gave him a hard time when I explained my view. But I just couldn't stand the guards blaming me when they couldn't deliver the pass and turn the ball over, and teaching me to play D when they were lost themselves.

But still, I regret blowing up steam at people. Part of me felt that I was too old to be doing that but I actually know a lot of older people who do that, yet I am playing mostly with people younger than me so I should actually be a role model. But at the same time, I had to stand for myself and explain myself to others.

I actually really impress with Sang's maturity at such a young age and Alex's love, bluntness and hospitality to the guys. I felt a bit bad talking back to Sang but I had to, because I think I was treated unfairly and was disrespected.

However, we turned up to be the top team this Saturday.

Alex later talked to me, and then with my team. Sang later talked to me when I was ordering lunch and it was nice. I actually could not imagine myself be treated as well in TC especially in the basketball team. Alex and Sang have more EQ. And it's nice that I am not the PK here when I had so much pressure that I could not really show my emotions all that much. I had to keep a lot to myself at TC, and internalized a lot of stuff which wasn't healthy to me.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

urin acid 尿酸

I went to the Dr. Kitty Fok again today, good thing Auntie Sylvia reminded me last night, to pick up my blood and health check report. All is fine except for high level of urin acid 尿酸. It's actually not the first time that it has been detected. It was detected in US just before I left I think. It was just slightly high, but no it is high, like 5. Normal is like 1-2. So I have to cut back on red meat, animal intestine and bean. It's not too bad but she also prescribed medication for me to take. That's to me is kind of serious.

possible Australian Summer Plan

Although it's only midterm here, I know that I need to think ahead for what to do with my Australian summer.

I want to spend some time in Hong Kong, at least a month. But I don't want to waste my summer doing nothing productive. I know that I need to take advantage of my only "student" summer to get some experience, internship, etc., to help me find my career in this field.

I can either go to Hong Kong or stay in Australia. I hope to be in Hong Kong for at least part of summer to see my family, pick up stuff and to see friends.

So right now I am looking at things I can do in Hong Kong and Australia. I wonder if RTHK take any intern. I am looking at HKU's website for its communication and journalism students. I am also seeing if I can work under a director like 張虹 Tammy Cheung who I am a fan of. If not, just other stuff that I can do.

Heung-yan Wong sits down with director Tammy Cheung to discuss her new documentary Election.

With the next Legislative Council Election coming up in September, the political situation in Hong Kong is once again in sharp focus. Accordingly, Visible Records Ltd. presents Election, a film which focuses on the LegCo election in 2004. After viewing several clips from this fascinating documentary, Heung-yan Wong sat down to talk with director Tammy Cheung, who discussed the political intentions behind the film.

Can you give us a brief summary of your documentary?
It’s about the Legislative Council Elections of 2004. We cover three areas, Hong Kong Island, Kowloon East and the New Territories East and focus mainly on five candidates.

Does your documentary have a specific message that you wish to impart to the audience?
No, I don’t make message films. We show what we see. Although we tried our best to do so, we were unable to show the whole picture as the event takes place on such a huge scale.

Is there a specific reason why you chose this time to release the movie, and not right after the 2004 elections?
Obviously, the next election is coming up. We didn’t have enough resources to finish it earlier as we were short staffed. The post- production work takes a lot of energy and time and we are doing the best we can.

Does your documentary focus on more controversial issues such as universal suffrage for Hong Kong?
Not really, I think the main issues we cover include Article 23, the date for universal suffrage, the Tiananmen Square massacre and some local issues such as anti-trust and minimum wage.

The preview clips feature one of the candidates, Leung Kwok-Hung. What do you think of more controversial politicians like him?
He’s not controversial; he’s actually quite gentle. His actions are far from radical but he gets a lot of media attention because he is outspoken. The protesting he does is very common and ordinary, something you would see in any democratic area, I haven’t seen him do anything outrageous yet.

Do you personally think Hong Kong is ready for a full Western style of democracy?
We were originally, but we’ve backtracked recently. According to an informal interview I carried out at CUHK, the public generally didn’t think we need universal suffrage. A few years ago everyone thought we needed a one man one vote system. The Beijing and Hong Kong government must be successful in making us believe otherwise. (Laughs)

How do you view the Chinese socialist style of government?
Chinese socialism is not socialism. It is a dictatorship.
So you believe it’s moved more towards a dictatorship.
I know it’s a dictatorship. It’s not socialism. If you look at history and what happened before and after 1949, you will see that it is not a matter of belief. We can see it from what they have done to the many people in China.

Things I am planning to write about:
  • Hong Kong's Democracy Movement and China
  • Reasoning Behind American Individualism

Friday, September 4, 2009

Tiresome Day

Today was just hard. I finished filming my first dramatic scene yesterday with the help of Cindy an Phil as my actors. They were good, I sucked as a director. Something part of my weak direction. I think I need to just be really strong and pinned on on what I want exactly and be unwavering.

Woke up really early this morning to return the heavy equipment with Thukten and then was just at campus the whole day. I didn't get enough sleep so I had a slight headache when I arrived at Marrickville (pronounced mer-rickville). We joked a bit about one of us getting a car and I joked that I should find a girlfriend who drive truck and just love to drive people around.

Man, this is hard work. I basically did early heavy lifting and then stared at the monitor and playing with Final Cut Pro for the whole day. I was pretty tire when we were at the shop again to borrow and to carry the big-ass heavy equipment. Believe it or not, at 5'9", I am the biggest out of Thukten and Martin. And yes I am heavy, so I think I look like I can do a lot of heavy lifting but my left leg is pretty lame and my legs are carrying more than they should already and I have weak upper body strength.

To tell the true, we are like the 3 misfits. None of us have car and we are really a bit out there in our drama class. And we make like an ass of ourselves carrying lights, camera, tripod, wires, audio equipment to the station and back.

But to think back, I think I am somewhat like a misfit my whole life. I am a bit out there. In school, there were hardly much times when I felt like I was really in a group. In most of my life, I am a bit out there. A friend who grew up with me from middle school to college said that I was like someone who just did his own thing.

I think from a small age, I was kind of used to being the odd one, being the different person and I just never really fought it. I never like tried very hard to be part of a group. For most of my life, I am more comfortable with a small circle of friends although I like being around people in a lively atmosphere (except a party where I think people are just so isolated posing). I was the only Chinese boy in class for a very long time. My background has always been a little difficult to explain to people. I am unnormal. I can't help it. But a large part of me wants to be just like everyone else, but I don't think I am accepted or seen as just another person. For a long time, I have been the outsider looking in. The one outside, out on the bubble. I still am I believe. I don't think my life was ever really balanced.

A lot of thing don't seem to be real to me. I still feel like a visitor. So many thing for me are temporary. I don't know what it is to feel like to have something real you can grasp, some place to call home, something that I can really say is mine. I feel like I am always fighting this uphill dead beat, and I just throw all of my idealistic energy into it without knowing the outcome and I just don't know how much spirit and soul juice I have left in the tank before I run out.


I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight Lyrics

She's a rainbow and she loves the peaceful life
Knows I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight

There's a part of me in chaos that's quiet
And there's a part of you that wants me to riot
Everybody needs to cry or needs to spit
Every sweet-tooth needs just a little hit
Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot
How can you stand next to the truth and not see it?
Change of heart comes slow..

It's not a hill it's a mountain
As you start out the climb
Do you believe me or are you doubtin?
We're gonna make it all the way to the light
But I know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight

Every generation gets a chance to change the world
Divination that will listen to your boys and girls
Is the sweetest melody the one we haven't heard?
Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear?
The right to be ridiculous is something I hold dear
But change of heart comes slow...

It's not a hill it's a mountain
As you start out the climb
You see for me I've been shoutin
But we're gonna make it all the way to the light
But I know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight

Baby, baby, baby, I know I'm not alone
Baby, baby, baby, I know I'm not alone
Ha, ha, ha

It's not a hill it's a mountain
You see for me I've been shouting
Let's shout until the darkness, squeeze out sparks of light
You know we'll go crazy
You know we'll go crazy
You know we'll go crazy, if we don't go crazy tonight

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Day before

Ahh, sometimes I m just not that motivated. There are like several things I know I need to do at the back of my mind that I have been putting off for ages. Let's do it. 

Limited Chinese

"......牧者的個人生命要完全被聖靈所導引,在擔任牧職時要留心自己所追求的動機,私心將阻礙牧者分辨聖靈的帶領。他又說,事奉的效出於神,聽候神安排、順服祂的旨意,並留心祂的工作加以配合時,事工將事半平倍,並讓更多人蒙福。"
-蕭壽華牧師

I realized that there are like a sea of Chinese Christian resources online. It's pretty amazing. I am somewhat ashamed of my Chinese writing ability but I am also thankful for my limited ability to read Chinese. My Chinese actually improved in the nearly 3 years that I was in Chinese. I was forced by work to learn Chinese quickly in the past 3 years. I read the FREE Chinese newspapers and had to translate a lot of Chinese text into English. I don't know if God planted me there just to learn Chinese or something. I wonder how God would use my limited Chinese skill. But I am thankful for the opportunity to learn Chinese. 

Thursday, August 27, 2009

small group 2

I was assigned to the small group on Thursday under Janice probably after some discussion by the small group leaders. I somewhat felt like a piece of meat. I like Phil's small group. Well, I like Phil and the people there. The others seem to be a bit younger but simple and pure too, which I like.

Janice's group is a bit older, I know a lot of them actually, actually most of them tonight. Janice just told me a little beforehand that they were a week behind so it would be a repeat from Phil's. One thing is that it seems that they know almost everything that I do in church. It's a bit crazy. I think it means that they are all close and well-connected and they are paying some attention to me.

Janice led it quite well especially with her questions that helped us reflect and raise our own questions and how the passage is relevant to us. The main topics that were brought up were rebuking and dating non-Christian. I actually found it a bit weird that after reading the passage we were all talking about how to rebuke and the good stuff bout rebuking whereas the passage and Christ's purpose are more about accepting, loving and forgiving.

So i felt i just have to add rebuke "in love", "slow to rebuke", "treat older women like your mother, younger girls as your sisters" and etc... I don't think under normal circumstances people should think too much about rebuking others, just as what John 8 talked about. None of us are really qualified to condemn others and we really only rebuke when there's no other choice and out of "LOVE". Paul gave us very clear instruction on what to do when a member of the church did something very bad.

Personally, I have high toleration, as long as a person is not intentionally hurting someone, hurting the church, negatively influencing new Christians and in serious crime, I wouldn't be the one to rebuke. I rather wait for opportunity to remind someone or pray for them. I hate to rebuke. I would only rebuke when it's very clear that that's the only way and doing it for the best for all.

But there are ways to even lower the chance of people making mistakes like dating non-Christians, and that is good relationship within the fellowship and good foundation of Biblical truth and knowledge. When you are in good relationship with another, people can be open about what they are thinking and thus there can be accountability. It would be easier to correct a wrong and to tell your brother or sister that that might not be a good idea before he or she start actually doing it. Basically just protecting, guarding and being accountable for one another. But before there is this trust and friendship, there must be fellowship and time to know one another, open up and honesty. True fellowship in another word. So that's what fellowship is all about.

I learned about the elephants haha. Learned some new words. And really got to know the guys from discussion.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

4 weeks

Later this week will mark my first month in Australia. It's the middle of my 4th week already. Time is flying by and I need to push my foot harder on the peddle. 

I find it important for me to be reading the Scripture at least once a day here, either in the morning or just before going to bed. In especially, Paul's letters scream at me because they are so relevant. They really take me to my heart, they reminds me that I am a soldier for God's cause and there is a spiritual battle or war going on and that I must be prepared and well-equipped. 

I am almost finishing Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and yes, I am on Day 40 and I think I will miss it. I will go back to it every once in a while and it helped me get through a lot of stuff for the past half year at least. 

I still remember telling Pam, my ex-worker, when I bought it, I joked that I was getting some self-help book. I read it before when I was a junior in college at Riverside, but I stopped reading it around 14 or 20 or something. Probably in the tens. The first and second moved me a lot back then, still do, it's empowering to know that God loves you, that you are unique and made for a purpose. 

PDL has really driven me in a sense, made me do things that I otherwise would not for God's cause. I surprise myself sometimes. One or two or even more were just illogical and so selfless that I don't get how I could otherwise. 

Life is, I think, like a lesson, and God is going to teach you things every step of the way especially if you are up and willing to take the lessons and learn. 

It's so important to be grounded because the world is very strong. That's why it's so important for me to read the Scripture everyday or a book to remind myself of my purpose in life. 

I watched the documentary, Enron: The Smartest guys in the room. It was really about how people consumed themselves with the world and turned everything upside down including the power crisis in California. How greed and money can take over. We just have to check ourselves every step of the way or we will just get lost (and not even know it until it's too late). We need to be humbled all the time. Of course, I can't imagine to be like them, I am not a business person, I am too nice, too pure (as some people say), too naive and my life has been teaching me that money is not a big deal. I just want to help people and improve the world. 

I do think about working for some aid organization like World Vision and AusAid every once in a while. Man. Should I? Is film for me? 

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Hot Pot Reunion

I don't know but well, I wish I have can show more emotion, is less shy and be a bit more entertaining. So tonight, it was really nice how we had a reunion with most of the old buddies at SCAC at Janice's place. It's was very heart-warming and I totally appreciate it. Sucky as that I couldn't get to talk to most of the people while eating. I also don't like the limelight, I am just a shy person. I don't know how to handle myself with a lot of attention. I just don't know what to do. I am also very slow spoken so not really a guy to entertain everybody. But I do have a lot to tell the guys.

It was good Michael was here. Saw him first time since 4-5 years ago and he changed a bit. But it was fun and he's really funny and weird. It's so fun catching up. I can't believe how old we are. And amazed at how our friendship still stand and the love that it is there. They actually tell me stories about me that I can't remember. I was a bad kid then, I wasn't well actually, just playful. Karina told me how Danny and I tossed her into the lift...?? I don't remember. Jennifer told me how I threw a rock into the girl's cabin at night and left some undies there. Danny made the explanation that we just seeing if anybody lost their undies. So a lot of memories came back.

Have we changed? I think a little. Danny was still there. Zena, Karina, Selina, Guy, Ena, Jennifer are the same. I think some core personality stays. I probably changed a lot. I am more reserved and guarded now. I think it's how being a PK changed me and my personality. I have learned to withhold a lot of emotions, especially hurt and anger within me and not show it. I learned to keep a lot of stuff to myself. It's crappy life really, but it's for the benefits of others. And it does pay off.

Just a few days ago, I was chatting with an ex-colleague and she was actually really impressed with me. I didn't know that and as we chatted, I realized that God used me and all the suffering was worth it. I didn't let God down and His name was guarded. Even the person who was treating me like crap was moved. I was afraid that I might lose testimony and just so thankful that I didn't and everything turned out well.

At times I don't know how to deal with myself, and I think situations forced me to act certain ways. I wish I will learn more and be better at being myself. At times I feel like am containing myself a lot and just losing myself and my personality. Just too much stuff under cap.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Today I went to school in late morning to do some logging and editing with my partner, James. It was good that he is familiar with Final Cut Pro. Which reminds me...Sunny's baptism video. So he taught me a lot of stuff. It took forever to log and capture clips. And then while editing, we had different opinions and it was really hard to have two persons edit on one computer and yea, he raised up the issue and so we are just going to do our own editing. But we will see each other progress and see how we can merge after the rough cut. I think we have different ideas and it would be best for us to do it separately for more creative freedom and practice with FCP.

Afterward, shared drinks with my other classmates, Thunktan. We hung around for like an hour before splitting off. A very happy guy actually.

I finally got a burger here for dinner. It wasn't a very good one. It didn't have beet in it, but it wasn't bad. I need to get a better one haha. I still haven't had any McDonald's and KFC coz they are expensive, it's just a bit strange for me that fast food cost as much as dinning food. Hong Kong really has some of the cheapest fast food/food in the world. When I went back to US for the summer, food price went up a lot, especially with fastfood. It was creepy. On the other hand, restaurant food only went up a bit because of the bad economy. Coco's was very resonable actually, same with Denny's. Each restaurant has an affordable menu or item.

Food are expensive here, but things are still okay at the supermarkets and grocery. And it's much cheaper to cook your own food here.

The night before I had dinner at an auntie's place and I got to go back to Beverly Hills, I got off the station and just kind of walk to their place on my 5 years old memory. It felt good. I passed by my old doctor's office, King George St and it was nice. I still recognize the house, it has not changed all these years. The place still looked pretty new. So we had hot pot. Good to see Joe again but didn't hang with him for too long because he had tutor. I realized one thing, college students are still very young and kid-like. I didn't know that, but it is also that I realized to, we were pretty stupid back then. I think in some ways I thought I was old but I was pretty stupid, we were still kids. I got a lot older, or grew up a lot after working for 3 years. Had a good time with the aunties and uncles.

So today I got to go back to Kingsgrove, the place I first lived in when I was in Australia. The street basically look the same. Several shops are not there now but a lot of things are the same. The old charcoal chicken place was still there except now it is run by Chinese, that is a very common sight now actually, a lot of the businesses are now run by Chinese or Asians. So for dinner I had the choices of charcoal chicken, fish&chip or burger, I got burger. Didn't feel like fish&chip.

And went to small group for the first time. Phil gave me a ride. It was good. It was funny two of them I knew as kids and they were so small back then. They were like year 1 or 2, at most 3, when I left so it was like, what are you guys doing here? You guys are babies! You guys are from another group. I felt old. You were babies when I left and now they are like 21, in uni, almost graduating and about to face the world.

But I am quite amazed at them actually, in some ways they are more mature then I imagine. More grounded and mature than I was. In ways they are much more mature than some college kids or even working kids in US and HK. Some of them are already taking responsibilities at church, in ministries and doing and serving others. Quite amazing really. Many kids in HK and US don't even think about that when they are in school. For HK kids, I think university is like liberation from the atrocious secondary school system and finally, they get some freedom to play. For some, U is for play. Kind of like Japan too, once you get into U, then you can just chill, have fun and just cruise.

US is a little different, a bigger range of people. There are people who play hard but also work extremely hard. Crazy amazing people who can manage studying, working and partying. There are people who don't try really hard but do well, they just know how to get good grades. Some already aiming for postgraduate studies. Actually a lot of people do that. Grad school is a actually quite a natural choice for educated Americans, a BA or BS is just too common and the economy awards specialties and higher skills. You can basically make your living going into anything...except art i guess. US has a huge and very diversified economy that support almost anything you can think of.

But yea, one of the girls is mentoring younger students. I was amazed. If you think about it, what re U students doing, esp in HK? Finding ways to have fun, get the best deals, get a bf, party, self-promotion, shopping, thinking of the next trip to go to. Mentoring??? Where does that come from? And they are all pretty much involved with youth ministry in some ways.

So it's really good and healthy, the slightly older group is mentoring and nurturing the younger group and so on. That's very good. I just read on the paper that 25% of youth in Aus have mental problems or depression. I just find it amazing that at such a young age and in a time of "me-first", these uni kids are offering their time to kids. And it's not like they are not busy. They got work, school and other stuff as well. So, where there is often the case that kids just leave the church when in U. Very big contrast.

In reflection, I know, actually I experienced first hand that Chinese people, like HK people often like to take advantage of things, like sales, shore's membership, beating the system and etc. Very materialistic. Where as foreigners from elsewhere seem to be slow, not taking advantage of loopholes and deals. They are considered to be morons by some HKers. They are slow, slow thinking but they are actually quite mature. Just think of mainland China and US, and other western countries. People just think differently. They have some really good values ingrained in their cultures.

I think Communism took a lot of good values from the Chinese thanks to the Cultural Revolution and etc. Now there is a vacuum in values in Chinese and even the Communist party has to teach values to Chinese. You can read them on Chinese airport with slogans and signs that say, "Be civilized citizens when traveling abroad", "Be civilized tourists representing your country" and etc. They are everywhere. It's sad, for a place like China with the longest living ancient civilization to be reminding its citizens to be "civilized".

It's true, when you mature, you do things for others instead of yourself. You give yourself basically for good causes. It's something that Chinese struggle with. If you look at businsses in Europe, these companies invest back into their countries' next generation, where as HK or China is more of a opposite. Do rich people care? No. Just think about all the food poisoning and scandals with food and in the business world in China. It's a sad state. Not a lot of giving back. It's a poor state. Can the message of Christ change China? There's a vacuum now, the time is now I think and the window is closing. Greed, capitalism, consumerism are filling that void.

I am going to answer all the questions from the farewell eventually. I think I should...so here it goes.

Q: Do you mind when people call you 朱仔 ?

A: I have some mixed feeling with 朱仔 . It is actually a nickname that people used on me when I was small all the way till 13. So from 0-13, people referred me as 朱仔. So in a way, it gives me a very 親切 feeling. But I don't like it if you use that term in relation with my dad as in 朱's 仔, even though I know where it is from, because I like to have my own identity, I wanted to be seen as a separate person. Generally I am okay with it.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Getting Started

With my 3rd weeks of school, things are really getting started. Assignments are stacking up and the honeymoon period is over. It's time to get to work. 

I was really nervous on knowing people and befriending my classmates my first day but it is gradually getting better. I am knowing my classmates better and I actually got some comrades who I have like 3 classes with. One international student, Thuktin from Plutin...? Martin from Blue Mountain and there was a Chinese girl, Mae who I often take the train with after class on Wednesday and Monday. She speaks to me in Mandarin and I am only hearing 50%. I just nod and she would ask me if I understand her and she then would speak in English. I probably looked a bit funny when I don't understand her, at least she can tell when I am lost. 

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Education

i get amazed at times when the Bible backs the thinking, beliefs and general social moral codes in US and some other Western countries. It shows how these social codes are based on the Judea-Christian tradition.

The thing is that China doesn't have that, it has Confucianism, which isn't bad but much of it had been uprooted by the Communist Party of China. China is in an age where it has a morality and spiritual vacuum left by fear, exodus of beliefs and religions and Chinese tradition. Replacing these thinkings is capitalism, greed, logic, practicality, selfishness and market economy along with the almighty money.

Funny.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Lucky

I m pretty luck to be under the roof of the Wongs. They are both God loving people and auntie yesterday told the time during dinner to give a detailed answer and shared experiences with me. Uncle at times act like my parent telling me to put clothes on, put my slippers on, don't sleep late and etc. It's all from kindness and he's an incredible person. His heart is pure and simple but he actually deals with some complicated stuff at church. There are a lot of Christian books (Chinese and English) in this house. Not as much as home, but more than enough for me to read. I doubt if I will even finish reading the ones I brought over.

I am almost done with the
Purpose Driven Life and I think I am going to miss it because it went on a journey with me the past several months. It encouraged me and actually even pushed me to do something I struggled with, and I think God worked and spoke to me through that book. It gave me the courage to do things the right way although it was difficult.

It reminds me of the other book I read the past year, Eddie Gibbs'
Born into Battle 1 & 2 Thessalonians. Again it encouraged me and gave me the strenght to stand in my rank despite of all the difficulties I was facing. I think that's what God's words can provide for us. It gives us strength, courage, encouragement and refudge. I actually never studied Thessalonians but it is very suitable for Tin Chuen. I actually see what's happening in the Thessalonian church in Tin Chuen so it gave me instructions on what I should do and what we should do. I wish everybody read it, knew it, believe and practice what it says. It's strange but Christians or church goers sometimes don't believe in the Bible when it is against their selfish intentions.

Priz was just married the past summer and the two pair of parents or the two dads are both pleased and gave praised that the other parents are very God loving people. In the words of Uncle Spencer, "Very good ah, they also love the Lord very much." These are things you hardly get to hear from Chinese parents. I think that is a blessing. Both of their kids are in serving and both are pretty smart. Some people might think it is a waste but man, it is a blessing. It's so amazing. I think I can say for the whole family is that they are very pure hearted people. Very positive, God fearing-loving people.

It might come at a time when I would find uncle or auntie a bit annoying coz of the gap and their caring yet I hope God will give me patience and understanding, and let my anger be slow to come so I can keep myself in check. It has only been 2 weeks.

Mrs Macquarie's Chair




It's funny. I have lived in Sydney for over 5 years and I actually haven't been to many places. I probably been to more places in NYC, Chicago, Washington DC then to places in LA or Sydney, places where I actually lived. I realized my knowledge or exposure to this place might be less than those of a well-researched tourist. But of course I have experienced living a life here and going through the education system and just the day-by-day life.

So I was looking at Sydney from wikitravel and bumped into this spot called "Mrs Macquarie's Chair." A very familiar place that brought me back a heart felt memory. As most photographers know, Mrs Macquarie's Chair is the spot where you can take that world famous postcard photo of the Sydney Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the two symbols of Sydney together. I actually been to that place once before I left Australia for the United States back in 1996. It was a little like a farewell present for me. I don't even remember how we got there but on that special day, dad took out his ancient Olympic single lense reflect camera, the "Om 1" if I am not mistaken and took me to the sacre Mrs Macquarie's Chair to take photos with it.

As for why we never went there before (at least I never did), I have no idea but it was a very special day for me and it's almost dreamlike and mystical to think back to it. Dad taught me to use the Om 1, how to focus, how to detect if there was enough light or not (whether the photo would become overexposed or underexposed) and snapping away was an experience for me. Dad made it all sounded really special on using that ancient metal single lense reflect. He told me he bought it to chase after mom, and it sounded as if the pictures would be amazing.

For me, that was kind of like my farewell to Australia. I think that what sometimes I find myself doing. I take picture or collect sand, rocks, leaves, pine cones and etc to bring a place with me. Of course you can't bring a place and all that it means to you with you when you leave but for some sentimental reasons and your (or my) strange state of mind, you really thought you could. That was me.

You can't take your friends with you, you can't take your love with you, your emotions, your feelings, all the food, culture, atmosphere with you. All you get is probably just memories, or history. Probably things that you can never get back to but at least with a picture you can always look back and say, "Woah...", and it does take your breath away.

That's what we do. We take photographs, collection or recording of lights bouncing off things we treasure as keepstake and memory, to take you back into those moments, to help you remember. That's all we have sometimes.

A picture can mean more than a thousand words.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

choosing a church

Currently I have been to 2 churches, CBC and SCAC, my old church. I probably know more about CBC right now because I went to 2 of their fellowships and also two of their sport ministry-basketball and football.

SCAC is a little more homely. There are still a number of people who knew me as a kid and teenager so they are familiar with me and know who I am. Both are nice I guess. There is probably a greater need in CBC in all the ministries there but SCAC is like home.

That reminds me, on the morning 0n the day before I left I got a call back from Pastor Yap. I called him the night before and left a message seeing if he would be free Tuesday. He said he's free for lunch and afternoon, so perfect. I made it a mission to be there on time because I am traditionally late whenever I meet up with him. Ahaha, the feeling of being early is irreplaceable. We ate at this noodle place at Langham Place, it was pretty good. He treated me. And then I treated him back for desert. We talked and I asked him some questions and it very funny in that we were talking as friends although he is so much older than I and is my pastor. He was more like a mentor then but it kind of blurred now, well, I am older now. I thanked for pastoring me because it meant a lot to me. I don't get pastored all that much. Even with all the churches that I have been to, I probably only been really pastored by him only. The other one was probably Pastor Lam but only for a very short time because he then left. Ms. Chan-a little bit, she was really busy and that's it. That's my whole life.

At times I envy people who grew up with some older people mentoring and looking over them. I never had much of that at church at the times I needed it. I just had to learn to deal with them on my own. I guess people just figured that I am the PK that he should be okay and be able to take everything running at him. I also don't get why I get disrespectful behaviour from people, even pastors. It's all very unfair. What did I do wrong? All I am asking for was to treat me as you would to another Christian. I am not even asking to be treated in the same loving and caring way as I treat your children, but as another human being, much less a fellow brother in Christ. It's discouraging. It hurts and you just have to keep at doing your very best to be loving and Christlike. We fail, we all fail at it but the thing is to keep trying, keep practicing, keep working at it till eternality.

Monday, August 3, 2009

2nd week

Man, I should be doing my homework and check out UTS' next new comer orientation (or not), but I got something that I meant to put down. I was taking shower and a thought came to me, well, it's an old thought. I have this dream that I can be part of a pastor's kids ministry to help other pastor's kids.

I remember this one girl another PK who had been through some rough stuff. I think of her every now and then. i regret that I didn't say anything when i could say something to help with the weight. well, i was young and a teenager. but i think about her and her family, her mom in particular. i hope all things are well.

i want to make this world a little less lonely for PKs. i want our voices out instead of having to internalize things. sometimes i feel like we are denying our very God-given humanness simply because of some speech and actions of stupid immature people.

So yeah, so i think that's something in me. God is suppose to use your hurt, the most painful for His glory and i think it is something for me. I don't know how to get started but...well, I don't even know the first step, but i think God will provide, things just have to get started eventually. That's why I wanted to study counseling. There are so many things I wanna do. I wanna be a teacher too. I want to study some theology and basically just learn more about God at a seminary too.

How can you equip yourself, there are so many different ways to serve. Learn Mandarin, how to type and write Chinese, how to play a sport properly, teaching English, even making videos and etc.

So what do i have to do? One thing at a time? Mstr in Edu? Chinese school. re-learn piano, learn cello. Time is going to waste. support group. fire buddies. prayer partners. learning to be open and mature. learning to share. just do it. where where where?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

desk people

Desk people here are a bit one-angle I think. It just seems they don't know too much and have to ask a superior quite often. HK desk people are bit more self-reliant. Aussies are also less afraid of making mistakes and asking for advices.

The questions that were asked during my farewell, i feel bad about not answering them, the least I can do is to answer them. But some of them are quite embarrassing and should they be public? I don't think body need to know about them. But I should answer them. I will just answer them here haha, even though nobody really read this. Which is good because it's accessible to everybody yet not too many people will read them.

Most of them are really good questions and I guess help me to think about them as well, but it was really difficult to think on the spot.
One of the questions was: What do I look for in a girl?

I said someone who love God, but that's a pretty vague answer. Jaiphen asked me again later on. Someone who know better Chinese than me preferably. These are all very idealistic so...probably not gonna find someone like that but having someone who can read and write Chinese would be fantastic, always good to have someone who can help with my limitation in Chinese and probably teach me. It would be nice if she has good English too. I always like someone who can correct my grammar and teach me more vocabulary.

Patience is a big one coz I think it would take a lot of patience just to be with me. I can be very slow and annoying. Someone gentle and considerate...that's pretty general.

Selfless, or not self-centered and be able to think of others before herself. That's an important one I think. Not too controlling. Coz there are some people who just really try to take advantage of stuff, control situation, manipulative and etc. Those are scary people. Generous. Someone who is generous. Pretty would be great. Someone to be somewhat physically attracted to, neat and all. Most girls are i think. A good understanding of the Bible. Someone who is aware of what's going on in society and not just into shopping and materialistic stuff. I guess no worldly. Someone with a dream, a goal, idealistic. Supportive. Sensitive. Like art to a certain extend, don't have to be an art freak. Like to read into movies. That's not too important.

Last but not least, a Christian, and a somewhat mature and God loving and fearing Christian who I can be a spiritual partner with.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

It is funny how people still refer to and call me 朱仔 or 豬仔 after all these years. I am so much bigger now, and the 仔doesn't seem quite appropriate. And it takes me back over a decade ago, and almost 2 decades ago when I first arrived at Oz. It's a familiar nickname. The US is the only place where it did not surface.

Went to CBC this weekend and it's the feeling of being the new person all over again. It's much easier because auntie and uncle would give me introduction and he usually start with, "This is Calvin, he is the son of...", he even told some of them my age, he means well haha but a bit embarrassing at times. I take it with good humor. He should go further and say that I am all alone here and need a gf. I have a little trouble with introducing me as son of a pastor and I realize that it is a mix blessing. I lose part of my identity yet at the same time I get credibility from stranger because i m a pk. well, i also get a little pressure also and have to hold back my wackiness. man, will i ever be free of that? it's tiring.

i don't blame my dad, it's not his fault. he's an inspiration to me. it's really how some people have certain expectation of pks and criticize, and just make thing hard and unfair for us. immature people basically who have trouble separating issues in their heads, people from issues, and doing what's right.

The sermon was good at CBC, the message was from Thessalonian, one of my favorite books from the Bible and it's really relevant to the churches i have been going. It was on the recipes of a healthy church.

For a while, for the first few days, I missed the tension from HK again but well, there's work everywhere. There are challenges everywhere once you get into it so. And life goes on.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Slept really early like at 10pm (8pm HK) last night coz I was just really tire so i end up getting up early today at around 7am. I think ever since working in HK, it became really hard stay asleep for over 8 hours for me, I just can't sleep in. My body just wakes me up usually after 7-8 hours of sleep.

It feels good coming back to Oz, it's sorta like coming back home except it's not really but it's some place where i had of a lot of fond memories. I feel like i will get to do a lot that i can't do in HK. Aunt Sylvia was telling me about the ministries at Central Baptist Church and how they got a basketball ministry, a photograpy ministery (what the?), man fellowship and a new afternoon simple-English service for new immigrants. It's like woah. The first two are like stuff I wanna get into at TC. There's no photography ministry but there were brothers and sisters who wanted to go out together to take photos but even in 3 years it never materialize...what the...just too busy. We got the competition at TC but not a real sport ministry. I think it's getting there but not yet. So I am excited that they got that here. I feel very excited.

Also found out Nat is studying theology at Sydney so they told me there are extension and short-term courses! That was something I wanted to do in HK but just couldn't find time to do. I feel like jumping in again but I think I should take things slow and just see where I fit in. I have to see how thing will mesh together with school, possible part-time job, serving at church, time for fellowship, career and some recreational time which i really need if i m to lose some weight.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

oh man, do i feel like crap

I feel like crap about missing the Coldplay concert, and more crappy about friends who were not going mainly because I wasn't going. Crap. Sigh~ It was suppose to be like the last thing me and brother and sis, and a few things we do before leaving, especially with my brother because we were actually aiming to watch the Coldplay together in Hong Kong but then I hesitated and the cheap tickets were all gone. So now, everytime I hear Coldplay, I will remember the concert that I missed.

I am getting up so early now. It's almost 7 and I feel a slight headache. Probably not enough sleep but I felt like getting, which is the good way of saying it instead of saying-I can't sleep.

I wonder when I would know how to do what is the perfectly appropriate. I seem to feel awkward, especially the past week or so. It's like it's not enough. That I am not doing things the right way.

I am listening to Coldplay now. LeftandRight, the live recording of one of their concerts.

I feel like going for a swim, driving into the water, being embraced but my though my mind is romanticizing the idea, my head is not sharing the same feeling of enthusiasm. My brain is telling me that I shouldn't put myself into a chance of trying my body out. I will need a lot of energy today. Today is basically my only weekday to run all my errands.

So, here we go.

It's such a rush.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

4:10

It's like 4am here in Hong Kong and I came back late last night. Actually the plane arrived early at around 10:30pm on the 17th but I didn't get home until around 1:30 with the waiting, bus and taxi. I faced a dilemma when I got off the bus: 3 suitcases and 2 hands.

When I got on the taxi, the taxi driver was laughing at me and asked where i came back from. Taxi drivers are always good for well-meaning small talk. Well, most of them at least and kind of got the recent scoop of Hong Kong. Asked him about the latest on the swine flu. I found out that he used to be a truck driver but now he's too old so that's why he is driving the taxi. Taxi rate hiked up big time since I arrived in Hong Kong in '06. But then the rate had been the same for a long time util just recently, which was pretty unfair for the taxi drivers.

While on the plane near the end of the trip, all I wanted was get off the seat, a shower and to sleep on a bed but I couldn't sleep although i was tire when I got home. Ha, watched the old TVB series, "policewomen with guns" just like what I sometimes watch after coming home from work.
It was a nice familiar sight. Watched a movie and ate popcorn...very bad.

Slept a little before getting up at around 9:15am. I found all (I think) the documents I needed for Aus. Unpacked a little, put clothes in the washing machine and ate a quick lunch. Food is kind of expensive at the local tea restaurant basically for some tomatoes, beef and egg and rice. I actually wanted a baked porkchop rice and some Hong Kong food, but not much to choose from here.

So I was just packing and unpacking. More like transferring stuff to different places. Did a little grocery shopping. Got news from the taxi driver that a typhoon was coming so there were a good number of people at the supermarket. Sunny came over around 1:30 and I was wondering why it took him so long. Annie took a long while too, I found out later why...and Sunny actually I guess got mixed up with the possible typhoon no.8 and went all the way to Tai Po skipping Fotan. I thought he went to Herman's place instead.

It was nice just hanging out after no seeing each other for so long. Actually wanted to go to the Saturday service but it got a little late but still able to be there before it ended. It was good seeing everybody but bad on my part that I never told too many people I was leaving, or when. I saw Max and Andy who I play basketball with and I really wanted to play with them again. WIsh I knew that they were playing this morning. I was pretty fresh this morning. It would have been nice. Hope that I can play with them when I am back for holiday, competing again. They really grew.

Saw Nick had some small talk. I think he's one of those rare passionate people. How do you raise someone like him? Talked a little with Rev. Chan before he went. Found out from him that he's going to Canada. Whao. Gonna miss him.

Then it was the farewell. It was a really nice gesture and I didn't know how to act exactly. I don't like the spot light, i get very self-conscious. It was so great to see everybody there and I wish I could go hiking with everyone of them. Didn't get to really talk to everybody and I was being shy. Didn't know what I was suppose to do. Just wanted to blend in. Woah, thank you so much for being there. I didn't know what to say. Some of the questions were embarrassing and I didn't know how to answer right away. i felt bad afterward. i wish i knew how to handle it. i don't know, i m just weird. i m not sure if it's the building. i was holding a lot of myself back actually, a little scare i guess of if i lose control. my left hand was actually shaking a bit. but my right hand was steady. To say thanks would be the biggest statement. I was moved. It had been somewhat lonely sometimes being at Tin Cheun, and the farewell was a great way to say goodbye. Thank you. I don't know what to say. But I wanted to give something back.

I think it's not an accident that I and that all of us are at Tin Chuen. A lot had to happen for us to be here at this particular time and this particular place. It's such a pleasure and honor to be here, to serve God in this place, to have the friendship. The farewell made it easier to leave. Thanks Sunny for organizing. Thank you God for this time, for all the experience, the moments and all the people, friendship and fellowship. How can you repay? I have no idea. i wish i could be more excited and enthusiastic when taking photos and be more entertaining but i was feeling awkward. Don't know how to act at the time. urr.

There had been a lot of goodbyes lately and I think I am still processing and they take a toll on me somewhat. Personally the short few weeks leading to my trip to the US was when I was emotionally saying goodbye to TC and HK. Coz originally that was my last weekend at TC. So I think I made my internal farewell then and was feeling that throughout the Sichuan mission trip. Actually I was somewhat very sensitive and emotional starting the last month of work at HKEP. It was only 2 months ago that I made up my mind and ... I started to treasure every moment and the limited amount of time I got spending time with people.

It's weird. ahh. Best wishes. Emmanuel, may God be with you.

well, better get some sleep. It will be no.3 in a few hours.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

last leg

I am leaving DC a few hours.

At times I really miss America. I miss the people. I miss the youth at church. I miss how people are more honest and purer here. I miss talking with the youth and be of help, watching them grow coz although they might be silly, they are really good people and I love seeing them grow.

I guess that is what I would like to be helping in at church, youth ministry. I think I fit the bill too. I remember there was this seminar on spiritual gifts and I was sharing with Herman and Siu Wei and they said I am suitable for youth work. I like to play and talk. And I really enjoy being with the youth. On the other hand, I am probably not that great with little kids. I can get to learn better but I think there are better people at it. You kind of have to be a bit strict with kids and know who's boss.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Supporting the Work of your Pastor (EPHESIANS 4:11-16)

UPPORTING THE WORK OF YOUR PASTOR (EPHESIANS 4:11-16)
The young preacher had just announced to his congregation that he was
requesting the dissolution of the pastoral relationship in order to
accept another call. He was standing at the door after the service
and greeting people, as preachers are wont to do, when one of the
elderly saints approached him, her eyes swimming with tears. She
sobbed, gOh, pastor, Ifm so sorry youfve decided to leave. Things
will never be the same again.h

The young man was flattered, but was equal to the situation and took
her hands in his and most benevolently replied, gBless you, dear
lady, but Ifm sure that God will send you a new pastor even better
than I.h She choked back a sob and was heard to say, gThatfs what
they all say, but they keep getting worse and worse.h

I am sure everybody is anxious to meet the next pastor. Who is he?
Where does he come from? What experience does he have? Is he
passionate or private? While all these are question on peoplefs mind,
they are not the most important questions. The more crucial ones are,
What is the pastorfs role in ministry? What does he do with Godfs
people? What is the best use of his time? Why does a church need a
pastor?

Equip the Church to Grow
11 It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some
to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12 to prepare
God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be
built up (Eph 4:11-12)

Your Pastor and mine:
If he is young, he lacks experience; if his hair is grey, he is too
old; if he has five or six children, he has too many; if he has none,
he is setting a bad example. If his wife sings in the choir, she is
being forward; if she does not, she is not interested in her
husbandfs work.
If he speaks from notes, he has canned sermons and is dry; if he is
extemporaneous, he is not deep. If he spends too much time in his
study, he neglects his people; if he is visible, he is a gadabout. If
he is attentive to the poor, he is playing to the grandstand; if to
the wealthy, he is trying
to be an aristocrat.
If he suggests improvements for the church, he is a dictator; if he
makes no suggestion, he is a figurehead. If he uses too many
illustrations, he neglects the Bible; if not enough, he is not clear.
If he condemns wrong, he is cranky; if he does not, he is a
compromiser. If he preaches the truth, he is offensive; if not, he is
a hypocrite. If he preaches an hour; he is windy; if less, he is lazy.
If he fails to please everybody; he is hurting the church; if he does
please everybody, he has no convictions. If he preaches tithing, he
is a money grabber; if he does not, he is failing to develop his
people.
If he receives a large salary, he is mercenary; if a small salary, it
proves he is not worth much. If he preaches all the time, the people
get tired of hearing one man; if he invites guest preachers, he is
shirking responsibility.
SO WHAT! They say the preacher has an easy time.

If you notice, the gifts God gave to the church are five, but the
word gsome,h which is the article (gtheh) in Greek, occurs four
times. This leads many scholars to suggest that the last gsomeh
modifies gpastors and teachersh together, not gpastorsh or gteachersh
individually. The role of pastors and teachers are inseparable. No
matter how caring, considerate and compassionate the pastor is,
without teaching, churches suffer, struggle and maybe shrink. Good
pastors are more than just relational, affectionate and kindly; they
must also be teachers, expositors and communicators of Godfs word.
The former is short-term, the latter longer lasting. Phillip Brooks
say, gThe preacher needs to be a pastor, that he may preach to real
men. The pastor must be preacher, that he may keep the dignity of his
work alive. The preacher, who is not a pastor, grows remote. The
pastor, who is not a preacher, grows petty.h (John Stott, The
Preacherfs Portrait, p. 81)

gPrepareh (v 12) in Greek is not a verb, but a noun, its only
instance of a noun of the said word in the Bible. The NASB
translation is gfor the equippingh and the KJV is gfor the
perfecting.h Its verb in the Bible comes with the practical
application for gmending netsh (Matt 4:21, Mark 1:19) and restoring
the lapsed (Gal 6:1). The intrigue is who does the works of service
in church – pastors and teachers, or Godfs people? From the text
equation, the pastorfs role is to equip Godfs people for works of
service, not to execute all the work by himself; not to expand his
empire, but empower Godfs people; not to electrify the congregation,
but equip the body. The presence of a full-time pastor could be a
liability if members see it as an opportunity to fold their hands,
shake their legs and doze to sleep, which is, unfortunately, the
widespread practice in many churches. The pastor is to provide
believers the training, give them the tools and teach them the trade.
A good pastor works himself out of a job, so to speak. Like a good
parent, his concern is for the churchfs independence and
interdependence, not dependence on him. Itfs been said, gGive a man a
fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed
him for a lifetime.h

The success of a church lies in Godfs people, not the pastor,
competently and confidently using their gifts, talents and resources
at their disposal. Godfs priority is not building up the pastor but
the parishioners, not the clergy but the church, who is His body, His
bride and beloved. In that sense, the bigger the pastor is in
peoplefs eyes, the smaller is he in Godfs eyes. The more
indispensable he is in church, the more ignorant he is about
ministry. While the pastor is crucial to the church, he is not
central in the church.

A pastor is a shepherd, never a therapist, a babysitter or a manager.
The former feeds the sheep, gives them water, and fends off
predators. Caregiving is the work of the whole church. If you find a
pastor-teacher who does his role, the church will function properly.
A pastor is strong in one of three areas - teaching, caring or
evangelizing, but never in all three. Of course, he must not be
uninterested, unconcerned and unresponsive in other functions either.
The ministry of encouragement is the membersf, not the pastorfs alone
to do. Often in the Bible, the verb gencourageh is incomplete and
complemented by the reflexive pronoun gone another,h addressing to
the church, not the pastor alone (1 Thess 4:18, Heb 3:13, 10:25).

The analogy for gbuilding uph (oiko-dome) is always structural,
architectural and residential. It comes from two words, ghouseh
(oikos) and gdoma,h an edifice or a roof. A house, unlike a hut or a
shed, is strong, stable and secured, not a house of cards, built on
sticks or built with straws.

Encourage the Church to Grow
13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the
Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the
fullness of Christ. (Eph 4:13)

When I was a young pastor in my first church in the States in 1990,
an elderly lady from an Anglo church befriended me and told me of an
advice for pastors she heard from the pulpit:
gIn the first year, they'll idolize you; in the second year, they'll
utilize you;
In the third, they'll criticize you; in the fourth year, they'll
mutilize you; and
In the fifth year, they'll ostracize you.h

Itfs been said, gA pastor must be ready to preach, to pray and to
pack up!h

A pastor has a short tenure at a church, three years, experts say.
The success of a pastor when he leaves depends on whether he
accomplishes his task. The goal is to reach or attain three things,
as indicated by the three-fold Greek word geis,h or English gtoh
(verse 14fs first gin,h gandh gtoh and NASBfs three gtofsh)–
one,
unity in the faith and in the knowledge of God; two, become mature;
three, to the measure of the fullness of Christ. The three goals
therefore, are preserving unity, producing disciples and practicing
Christlikeness. The first concerns the community of Christ; the next,
the character of Christ; and the last, the conformity to Christ.

The stress of the first part is on the gunityh of the church.
This gunityh is not mentioned in any book or chapter in the Bible
except twice in chapter four, where verse 3 mentions gmake every
effort to keep the eunityf of the Spirit through the bond of peace.h
(Eph 4:3) There is no better witness than the unity of the church,
but there is no worse witness than the unraveling of the church. Itfs
been said, gIt takes months to build a house that can be wrecked in a
day.h In our multilingual, multicultural and multigenerational
church, with 80 worshippers from more than 10 countries, diversity is
our strength and our weakness. Unity alone wonft steer people through
the front door, but unity lost ushers people out the back door.

The second (gmatureh) refers to membersf mental and moral character.
A pastorfs success is not measured by church programs, church
property or church parking, but by the progress of his members in
their sanctification, steadfastness and surrender to Christ, and the
stride they made they in loving God, learn Godfs word and listening
in obedience. Are the members better off and more mature than when he
first came? To be mature is to reach onefs potential, make good
progress, and choose right priorities. There is no point leading a
church where there is no qualitative and quantitative growth, where
people are deadened to sin, dull of hearing and drunk with power.
Pastor Earnest Campbell says it eloquently:
gTo be young is to study in schools we did not build.
To be mature is to build schools in which we will not study.
To be young is to swim in pools we did not dig.
To be mature is to dig pools in which we will not swim.
To be young is to sit under trees, which we did not plant.
To be mature is to plant trees under which we will not sit.
To be young is to dance to music we did not write.
To be mature is to write music to which we will not dance.
To be young is to worship in churches we did not build.
To be mature is to build churches in which we may not worship.h

The third is to grow in Christlikeness. To be Christlike is to show
Christ in our attitude, behavior and commitment. It is to live a life
that is offered to Him, obedient to Him and ordered by Him.

Expect The Church to Grow
14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the
waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the
cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up
into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole
body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows
and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. (Eph 4:14-
16)

Things you never hear in church:
11. I couldnft find space to park outside. Praise God!
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual
stewardship campaign!
9. Pastor, wefd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
8. Since wefre all here, letfs start the service early.
7. I love it when we sing hymns Ifve never heard before!
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, letfs pay our pastor so
he/she can live like we do.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday
School class.
4. Ifve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to
TV evangelists.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes
over time.
1. Hey! Itfs my turn to sit in the front pew.

The delight of pastors, as indicated by the Greek gthath (translated
as gthenh in NIV), is seeing the members are no longer children.
Children (nepios) is made famous by Paulfs five-fold repetition of
the word in 1 Corinthians 13:11 - gWhen I was a child, I talked like
a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I
became a man, I put childish ways behind me.h

gChildrenh are not teenagers, youth, adolescent, minors or juveniles;
they are merely babies, infants or toddlers, learning to stand, walk
and speak. Children are used in the Bible in the context of having
to gcherishh (thalpo), cuddle and coddle them, not merely care for
them (1 Thess 2:7) and in the context of requiring milk, rejecting
solid food (Heb 5:13).

As a result, qualified by two Greek participles, the child
is gtossingh back and forth and gblowingh here and there. Tossed back
and forth refers to the raging sea; blown here and there refers to
the howling wind. The winds sway you, but the waves sink you.

There are two ginh prepositions in the passage: Verse 14fs gand byh
is ginh (en) in Greek, complemented by another ginh at the end of the
verse. The first preposition – gcunningh (kubeia) - is fraud and
scam, the second for gcraftinessh is trickery or sophistry, the
serpentfs tool on Eve, according to 2 Corinthians 11:3.

The contrast with the two participles – gtossing back and forthh
and gblowing here and thereh – is the participle gspeaking the
truth,h which is simply gtruthingh in Greek, the use of the
noun gtruthh as a participle, an action noun. Paul gives us the
strongest and foremost principle in communication - speaking the
truth in love. Speaking the truth without love hurts and hinders, but
speaking the truth in love honors, helps and heals. Both hurt, the
former passing, but the other permanent. One leaves foes, the other
friends. Speaking the truth in love is the healthy, honest and
helpful way; other ways will result in anger, antagonism and
aggression, succumbing to the dark side. Truth alone produces self-
righteousness, but love alone produces softies.

Conclusion: Are you giving the pastor the respect due his work and
his calling deserves? Do you know his financial and his familyfs
needs? Do you support your pastor in prayer? Do you instruct him or
inspire him? Are you doing your part by attending meetings, obtaining
training and volunteering service? Are you his ministry associate or
merely a church acquaintance? Is he your spiritual elder or an office
employee?