small group 2

I was assigned to the small group on Thursday under Janice probably after some discussion by the small group leaders. I somewhat felt like a piece of meat. I like Phil's small group. Well, I like Phil and the people there. The others seem to be a bit younger but simple and pure too, which I like.

Janice's group is a bit older, I know a lot of them actually, actually most of them tonight. Janice just told me a little beforehand that they were a week behind so it would be a repeat from Phil's. One thing is that it seems that they know almost everything that I do in church. It's a bit crazy. I think it means that they are all close and well-connected and they are paying some attention to me.

Janice led it quite well especially with her questions that helped us reflect and raise our own questions and how the passage is relevant to us. The main topics that were brought up were rebuking and dating non-Christian. I actually found it a bit weird that after reading the passage we were all talking about how to rebuke and the good stuff bout rebuking whereas the passage and Christ's purpose are more about accepting, loving and forgiving.

So i felt i just have to add rebuke "in love", "slow to rebuke", "treat older women like your mother, younger girls as your sisters" and etc... I don't think under normal circumstances people should think too much about rebuking others, just as what John 8 talked about. None of us are really qualified to condemn others and we really only rebuke when there's no other choice and out of "LOVE". Paul gave us very clear instruction on what to do when a member of the church did something very bad.

Personally, I have high toleration, as long as a person is not intentionally hurting someone, hurting the church, negatively influencing new Christians and in serious crime, I wouldn't be the one to rebuke. I rather wait for opportunity to remind someone or pray for them. I hate to rebuke. I would only rebuke when it's very clear that that's the only way and doing it for the best for all.

But there are ways to even lower the chance of people making mistakes like dating non-Christians, and that is good relationship within the fellowship and good foundation of Biblical truth and knowledge. When you are in good relationship with another, people can be open about what they are thinking and thus there can be accountability. It would be easier to correct a wrong and to tell your brother or sister that that might not be a good idea before he or she start actually doing it. Basically just protecting, guarding and being accountable for one another. But before there is this trust and friendship, there must be fellowship and time to know one another, open up and honesty. True fellowship in another word. So that's what fellowship is all about.

I learned about the elephants haha. Learned some new words. And really got to know the guys from discussion.

4 weeks

Later this week will mark my first month in Australia. It's the middle of my 4th week already. Time is flying by and I need to push my foot harder on the peddle. 

I find it important for me to be reading the Scripture at least once a day here, either in the morning or just before going to bed. In especially, Paul's letters scream at me because they are so relevant. They really take me to my heart, they reminds me that I am a soldier for God's cause and there is a spiritual battle or war going on and that I must be prepared and well-equipped. 

I am almost finishing Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and yes, I am on Day 40 and I think I will miss it. I will go back to it every once in a while and it helped me get through a lot of stuff for the past half year at least. 

I still remember telling Pam, my ex-worker, when I bought it, I joked that I was getting some self-help book. I read it before when I was a junior in college at Riverside, but I stopped reading it around 14 or 20 or something. Probably in the tens. The first and second moved me a lot back then, still do, it's empowering to know that God loves you, that you are unique and made for a purpose. 

PDL has really driven me in a sense, made me do things that I otherwise would not for God's cause. I surprise myself sometimes. One or two or even more were just illogical and so selfless that I don't get how I could otherwise. 

Life is, I think, like a lesson, and God is going to teach you things every step of the way especially if you are up and willing to take the lessons and learn. 

It's so important to be grounded because the world is very strong. That's why it's so important for me to read the Scripture everyday or a book to remind myself of my purpose in life. 

I watched the documentary, Enron: The Smartest guys in the room. It was really about how people consumed themselves with the world and turned everything upside down including the power crisis in California. How greed and money can take over. We just have to check ourselves every step of the way or we will just get lost (and not even know it until it's too late). We need to be humbled all the time. Of course, I can't imagine to be like them, I am not a business person, I am too nice, too pure (as some people say), too naive and my life has been teaching me that money is not a big deal. I just want to help people and improve the world. 

I do think about working for some aid organization like World Vision and AusAid every once in a while. Man. Should I? Is film for me? 

Hot Pot Reunion

I don't know but well, I wish I have can show more emotion, is less shy and be a bit more entertaining. So tonight, it was really nice how we had a reunion with most of the old buddies at SCAC at Janice's place. It's was very heart-warming and I totally appreciate it. Sucky as that I couldn't get to talk to most of the people while eating. I also don't like the limelight, I am just a shy person. I don't know how to handle myself with a lot of attention. I just don't know what to do. I am also very slow spoken so not really a guy to entertain everybody. But I do have a lot to tell the guys.

It was good Michael was here. Saw him first time since 4-5 years ago and he changed a bit. But it was fun and he's really funny and weird. It's so fun catching up. I can't believe how old we are. And amazed at how our friendship still stand and the love that it is there. They actually tell me stories about me that I can't remember. I was a bad kid then, I wasn't well actually, just playful. Karina told me how Danny and I tossed her into the lift...?? I don't remember. Jennifer told me how I threw a rock into the girl's cabin at night and left some undies there. Danny made the explanation that we just seeing if anybody lost their undies. So a lot of memories came back.

Have we changed? I think a little. Danny was still there. Zena, Karina, Selina, Guy, Ena, Jennifer are the same. I think some core personality stays. I probably changed a lot. I am more reserved and guarded now. I think it's how being a PK changed me and my personality. I have learned to withhold a lot of emotions, especially hurt and anger within me and not show it. I learned to keep a lot of stuff to myself. It's crappy life really, but it's for the benefits of others. And it does pay off.

Just a few days ago, I was chatting with an ex-colleague and she was actually really impressed with me. I didn't know that and as we chatted, I realized that God used me and all the suffering was worth it. I didn't let God down and His name was guarded. Even the person who was treating me like crap was moved. I was afraid that I might lose testimony and just so thankful that I didn't and everything turned out well.

At times I don't know how to deal with myself, and I think situations forced me to act certain ways. I wish I will learn more and be better at being myself. At times I feel like am containing myself a lot and just losing myself and my personality. Just too much stuff under cap.

Today I went to school in late morning to do some logging and editing with my partner, James. It was good that he is familiar with Final Cut Pro. Which reminds me...Sunny's baptism video. So he taught me a lot of stuff. It took forever to log and capture clips. And then while editing, we had different opinions and it was really hard to have two persons edit on one computer and yea, he raised up the issue and so we are just going to do our own editing. But we will see each other progress and see how we can merge after the rough cut. I think we have different ideas and it would be best for us to do it separately for more creative freedom and practice with FCP.

Afterward, shared drinks with my other classmates, Thunktan. We hung around for like an hour before splitting off. A very happy guy actually.

I finally got a burger here for dinner. It wasn't a very good one. It didn't have beet in it, but it wasn't bad. I need to get a better one haha. I still haven't had any McDonald's and KFC coz they are expensive, it's just a bit strange for me that fast food cost as much as dinning food. Hong Kong really has some of the cheapest fast food/food in the world. When I went back to US for the summer, food price went up a lot, especially with fastfood. It was creepy. On the other hand, restaurant food only went up a bit because of the bad economy. Coco's was very resonable actually, same with Denny's. Each restaurant has an affordable menu or item.

Food are expensive here, but things are still okay at the supermarkets and grocery. And it's much cheaper to cook your own food here.

The night before I had dinner at an auntie's place and I got to go back to Beverly Hills, I got off the station and just kind of walk to their place on my 5 years old memory. It felt good. I passed by my old doctor's office, King George St and it was nice. I still recognize the house, it has not changed all these years. The place still looked pretty new. So we had hot pot. Good to see Joe again but didn't hang with him for too long because he had tutor. I realized one thing, college students are still very young and kid-like. I didn't know that, but it is also that I realized to, we were pretty stupid back then. I think in some ways I thought I was old but I was pretty stupid, we were still kids. I got a lot older, or grew up a lot after working for 3 years. Had a good time with the aunties and uncles.

So today I got to go back to Kingsgrove, the place I first lived in when I was in Australia. The street basically look the same. Several shops are not there now but a lot of things are the same. The old charcoal chicken place was still there except now it is run by Chinese, that is a very common sight now actually, a lot of the businesses are now run by Chinese or Asians. So for dinner I had the choices of charcoal chicken, fish&chip or burger, I got burger. Didn't feel like fish&chip.

And went to small group for the first time. Phil gave me a ride. It was good. It was funny two of them I knew as kids and they were so small back then. They were like year 1 or 2, at most 3, when I left so it was like, what are you guys doing here? You guys are babies! You guys are from another group. I felt old. You were babies when I left and now they are like 21, in uni, almost graduating and about to face the world.

But I am quite amazed at them actually, in some ways they are more mature then I imagine. More grounded and mature than I was. In ways they are much more mature than some college kids or even working kids in US and HK. Some of them are already taking responsibilities at church, in ministries and doing and serving others. Quite amazing really. Many kids in HK and US don't even think about that when they are in school. For HK kids, I think university is like liberation from the atrocious secondary school system and finally, they get some freedom to play. For some, U is for play. Kind of like Japan too, once you get into U, then you can just chill, have fun and just cruise.

US is a little different, a bigger range of people. There are people who play hard but also work extremely hard. Crazy amazing people who can manage studying, working and partying. There are people who don't try really hard but do well, they just know how to get good grades. Some already aiming for postgraduate studies. Actually a lot of people do that. Grad school is a actually quite a natural choice for educated Americans, a BA or BS is just too common and the economy awards specialties and higher skills. You can basically make your living going into anything...except art i guess. US has a huge and very diversified economy that support almost anything you can think of.

But yea, one of the girls is mentoring younger students. I was amazed. If you think about it, what re U students doing, esp in HK? Finding ways to have fun, get the best deals, get a bf, party, self-promotion, shopping, thinking of the next trip to go to. Mentoring??? Where does that come from? And they are all pretty much involved with youth ministry in some ways.

So it's really good and healthy, the slightly older group is mentoring and nurturing the younger group and so on. That's very good. I just read on the paper that 25% of youth in Aus have mental problems or depression. I just find it amazing that at such a young age and in a time of "me-first", these uni kids are offering their time to kids. And it's not like they are not busy. They got work, school and other stuff as well. So, where there is often the case that kids just leave the church when in U. Very big contrast.

In reflection, I know, actually I experienced first hand that Chinese people, like HK people often like to take advantage of things, like sales, shore's membership, beating the system and etc. Very materialistic. Where as foreigners from elsewhere seem to be slow, not taking advantage of loopholes and deals. They are considered to be morons by some HKers. They are slow, slow thinking but they are actually quite mature. Just think of mainland China and US, and other western countries. People just think differently. They have some really good values ingrained in their cultures.

I think Communism took a lot of good values from the Chinese thanks to the Cultural Revolution and etc. Now there is a vacuum in values in Chinese and even the Communist party has to teach values to Chinese. You can read them on Chinese airport with slogans and signs that say, "Be civilized citizens when traveling abroad", "Be civilized tourists representing your country" and etc. They are everywhere. It's sad, for a place like China with the longest living ancient civilization to be reminding its citizens to be "civilized".

It's true, when you mature, you do things for others instead of yourself. You give yourself basically for good causes. It's something that Chinese struggle with. If you look at businsses in Europe, these companies invest back into their countries' next generation, where as HK or China is more of a opposite. Do rich people care? No. Just think about all the food poisoning and scandals with food and in the business world in China. It's a sad state. Not a lot of giving back. It's a poor state. Can the message of Christ change China? There's a vacuum now, the time is now I think and the window is closing. Greed, capitalism, consumerism are filling that void.

I am going to answer all the questions from the farewell eventually. I think I should...so here it goes.

Q: Do you mind when people call you 朱仔 ?

A: I have some mixed feeling with 朱仔 . It is actually a nickname that people used on me when I was small all the way till 13. So from 0-13, people referred me as 朱仔. So in a way, it gives me a very 親切 feeling. But I don't like it if you use that term in relation with my dad as in 朱's 仔, even though I know where it is from, because I like to have my own identity, I wanted to be seen as a separate person. Generally I am okay with it.

Getting Started

With my 3rd weeks of school, things are really getting started. Assignments are stacking up and the honeymoon period is over. It's time to get to work. 

I was really nervous on knowing people and befriending my classmates my first day but it is gradually getting better. I am knowing my classmates better and I actually got some comrades who I have like 3 classes with. One international student, Thuktin from Plutin...? Martin from Blue Mountain and there was a Chinese girl, Mae who I often take the train with after class on Wednesday and Monday. She speaks to me in Mandarin and I am only hearing 50%. I just nod and she would ask me if I understand her and she then would speak in English. I probably looked a bit funny when I don't understand her, at least she can tell when I am lost. 

Education

i get amazed at times when the Bible backs the thinking, beliefs and general social moral codes in US and some other Western countries. It shows how these social codes are based on the Judea-Christian tradition.

The thing is that China doesn't have that, it has Confucianism, which isn't bad but much of it had been uprooted by the Communist Party of China. China is in an age where it has a morality and spiritual vacuum left by fear, exodus of beliefs and religions and Chinese tradition. Replacing these thinkings is capitalism, greed, logic, practicality, selfishness and market economy along with the almighty money.

Funny.

Lucky

I m pretty luck to be under the roof of the Wongs. They are both God loving people and auntie yesterday told the time during dinner to give a detailed answer and shared experiences with me. Uncle at times act like my parent telling me to put clothes on, put my slippers on, don't sleep late and etc. It's all from kindness and he's an incredible person. His heart is pure and simple but he actually deals with some complicated stuff at church. There are a lot of Christian books (Chinese and English) in this house. Not as much as home, but more than enough for me to read. I doubt if I will even finish reading the ones I brought over.

I am almost done with the Purpose Driven Life and I think I am going to miss it because it went on a journey with me the past several months. It encouraged me and actually even pushed me to do something I struggled with, and I think God worked and spoke to me through that book. It gave me the courage to do things the right way although it was difficult.

It reminds me of the other book I read the past year, Eddie Gibbs' Born into Battle 1 & 2 Thessalonians. Again it encouraged me and gave me the strenght to stand in my rank despite of all the difficulties I was facing. I think that's what God's words can provide for us. It gives us strength, courage, encouragement and refudge. I actually never studied Thessalonians but it is very suitable for Tin Chuen. I actually see what's happening in the Thessalonian church in Tin Chuen so it gave me instructions on what I should do and what we should do. I wish everybody read it, knew it, believe and practice what it says. It's strange but Christians or church goers sometimes don't believe in the Bible when it is against their selfish intentions.

Priz was just married the past summer and the two pair of parents or the two dads are both pleased and gave praised that the other parents are very God loving people. In the words of Uncle Spencer, "Very good ah, they also love the Lord very much." These are things you hardly get to hear from Chinese parents. I think that is a blessing. Both of their kids are in serving and both are pretty smart. Some people might think it is a waste but man, it is a blessing. It's so amazing. I think I can say for the whole family is that they are very pure hearted people. Very positive, God fearing-loving people.

It might come at a time when I would find uncle or auntie a bit annoying coz of the gap and their caring yet I hope God will give me patience and understanding, and let my anger be slow to come so I can keep myself in check. It has only been 2 weeks.

Mrs Macquarie's Chair

It's funny. I have lived in Sydney for over 5 years and I actually haven't been to many places. I probably been to more places in NYC, Chicago, Washington DC then to places in LA or Sydney, places where I actually lived. I realized my knowledge or exposure to this place might be less than those of a well-researched tourist. But of course I have experienced living a life here and going through the education system and just the day-by-day life.

So I was looking at Sydney from wikitravel and bumped into this spot called "Mrs Macquarie's Chair." A very familiar place that brought me back a heart felt memory. As most photographers know, Mrs Macquarie's Chair is the spot where you can take that world famous postcard photo of the Sydney Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the two symbols of Sydney together. I actually been to that place once before I left Australia for the United States back in 1996. It was a little like a farewell present for me. I don't even remember how we got there but on that special day, dad took out his ancient Olympic single lense reflect camera, the "Om 1" if I am not mistaken and took me to the sacre Mrs Macquarie's Chair to take photos with it.

As for why we never went there before (at least I never did), I have no idea but it was a very special day for me and it's almost dreamlike and mystical to think back to it. Dad taught me to use the Om 1, how to focus, how to detect if there was enough light or not (whether the photo would become overexposed or underexposed) and snapping away was an experience for me. Dad made it all sounded really special on using that ancient metal single lense reflect. He told me he bought it to chase after mom, and it sounded as if the pictures would be amazing.

For me, that was kind of like my farewell to Australia. I think that what sometimes I find myself doing. I take picture or collect sand, rocks, leaves, pine cones and etc to bring a place with me. Of course you can't bring a place and all that it means to you with you when you leave but for some sentimental reasons and your (or my) strange state of mind, you really thought you could. That was me.

You can't take your friends with you, you can't take your love with you, your emotions, your feelings, all the food, culture, atmosphere with you. All you get is probably just memories, or history. Probably things that you can never get back to but at least with a picture you can always look back and say, "Woah...", and it does take your breath away.

That's what we do. We take photographs, collection or recording of lights bouncing off things we treasure as keepstake and memory, to take you back into those moments, to help you remember. That's all we have sometimes.

A picture can mean more than a thousand words.

choosing a church

Currently I have been to 2 churches, CBC and SCAC, my old church. I probably know more about CBC right now because I went to 2 of their fellowships and also two of their sport ministry-basketball and football.

SCAC is a little more homely. There are still a number of people who knew me as a kid and teenager so they are familiar with me and know who I am. Both are nice I guess. There is probably a greater need in CBC in all the ministries there but SCAC is like home.

That reminds me, on the morning 0n the day before I left I got a call back from Pastor Yap. I called him the night before and left a message seeing if he would be free Tuesday. He said he's free for lunch and afternoon, so perfect. I made it a mission to be there on time because I am traditionally late whenever I meet up with him. Ahaha, the feeling of being early is irreplaceable. We ate at this noodle place at Langham Place, it was pretty good. He treated me. And then I treated him back for desert. We talked and I asked him some questions and it very funny in that we were talking as friends although he is so much older than I and is my pastor. He was more like a mentor then but it kind of blurred now, well, I am older now. I thanked for pastoring me because it meant a lot to me. I don't get pastored all that much. Even with all the churches that I have been to, I probably only been really pastored by him only. The other one was probably Pastor Lam but only for a very short time because he then left. Ms. Chan-a little bit, she was really busy and that's it. That's my whole life.

At times I envy people who grew up with some older people mentoring and looking over them. I never had much of that at church at the times I needed it. I just had to learn to deal with them on my own. I guess people just figured that I am the PK that he should be okay and be able to take everything running at him. I also don't get why I get disrespectful behaviour from people, even pastors. It's all very unfair. What did I do wrong? All I am asking for was to treat me as you would to another Christian. I am not even asking to be treated in the same loving and caring way as I treat your children, but as another human being, much less a fellow brother in Christ. It's discouraging. It hurts and you just have to keep at doing your very best to be loving and Christlike. We fail, we all fail at it but the thing is to keep trying, keep practicing, keep working at it till eternality.

2nd week

Man, I should be doing my homework and check out UTS' next new comer orientation (or not), but I got something that I meant to put down. I was taking shower and a thought came to me, well, it's an old thought. I have this dream that I can be part of a pastor's kids ministry to help other pastor's kids.

I remember this one girl another PK who had been through some rough stuff. I think of her every now and then. i regret that I didn't say anything when i could say something to help with the weight. well, i was young and a teenager. but i think about her and her family, her mom in particular. i hope all things are well.

i want to make this world a little less lonely for PKs. i want our voices out instead of having to internalize things. sometimes i feel like we are denying our very God-given humanness simply because of some speech and actions of stupid immature people.

So yeah, so i think that's something in me. God is suppose to use your hurt, the most painful for His glory and i think it is something for me. I don't know how to get started but...well, I don't even know the first step, but i think God will provide, things just have to get started eventually. That's why I wanted to study counseling. There are so many things I wanna do. I wanna be a teacher too. I want to study some theology and basically just learn more about God at a seminary too.

How can you equip yourself, there are so many different ways to serve. Learn Mandarin, how to type and write Chinese, how to play a sport properly, teaching English, even making videos and etc.

So what do i have to do? One thing at a time? Mstr in Edu? Chinese school. re-learn piano, learn cello. Time is going to waste. support group. fire buddies. prayer partners. learning to be open and mature. learning to share. just do it. where where where?