Sunday, November 22, 2009

nostalgia

"every time i see your house, i feel nostalgic." Mandy

Awkward Station

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

等什麼?

我們還等什麼呢?等世界末日? 等耶穌回來? 那不是太晚了?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

under stress

my mind tells me to do distracting things when I m stressed and need to get something done, like writing new articles on wikipedia.

Monday, November 9, 2009

a culture of sorry

In the western world, and in my case, that would be America, we have a culture of apologizing or saying sorry. To be sorry is a good thing and people are generally very sympathetic, understanding, appreciative and nice to people who apologize.

We do that quite a lot, to say sorry, and also to say thank you. Some people might think we over do it quite a bit, and part of it is a courteous thing. But it's not bad, or wrong. It might be a bit superficial at times but then who isn't? We are all superficial at some times or another, and I don't think it's wrong to be superficial courteous just to be nice to someone, even when it's not natural to us. And in some ways, it's how we learn to become nice and better people.

To me, it's part of a process to love others who you wouldn't really care for.

There are times when I don't feel like saying "hi" or be nice to people who are not nice in general, but I push myself to be nice disregardingly sometimes. Not all the time, because I am not perfect, but it is a process.

It's very different for Chinese or maybe even perhaps in Asian society, especially in Chinese society, where it's hard for anybody to admit wrongs. For some Chinese, or people, admitting wrong means demotion or the end of something.

And I think it has to do with how Chinese are less forgiving people and that notion of "face." I understand it, and I think it has to do with the different culture.

The western world is hugely influenced by the Judaeo-Christian tradition with Christ as the Saviour who was sent to us by grace. There is a notion that we are all bad people, sinners and that God's forgiveness is something that we don't deserve. I think that has something to do with how Americans are more forgiving and appreciative of people who admit wrongs and apologize.

I like how I grew up in Australia and America, and be exposed to this alternative way or western way of thinking and attitude. I find it a bit troubling living in Hong Kong because in ways, I can't be so nice and soft, because there are people out there who would just swallow and jump at you for being nice and soft, not seeing that as strength, but weakness and opportunity to bite and bring you down.

For me, I believe it takes more to forgive and apologize then to be on the offensive. It's easy to blame and criticize someone. We are all faulty and each of us has parts that are ugly and not so pleasing. Our characters are flawed. We are all losers in some ways. We are all unperfect. In fact, we all have some genetic disorders, it just that most of them aren't that noticeable or so bad that prevent us from our common lives.

I believe in inclusion. We are all craps, in a good way, and we should all take care of one another. I don't think any of us deserve everything that we have. A lot of stuff are given to us, there are many things we never earned but we do have them.

I never earned to have parents, to have my siblings, financial aid, tuition help, strangers being nice to me, friendships, food and shelter and a whole lot of other things as well as God. I never earned God's love. In fact, I could never do that and could never return that great love.

And in a sense, that knowledge empowers me and give me strength to do stuff my selfish self wouldn't probably do on a daily basis.

I m taken care of by the Almighty God. I am an empty vessel and the goods is the Almighty God of the entire universe and beyond. When you think about it, it's humbling and amazing at the same time. I think the important part that I have to keep in mind is to check myself. Make sure that I am humble and not doing and acting upon myself, but have God in mind. And we are all going to fall short of that but it is a process. Ultimately, it's what HE wants to be done, not what I want to do. God is to be a part of everything I do.

My audience is God. I do for Him, not the crowd, not the mass, not the critics, but God Himself, and that's actually should a lot of pressure but at the same time, He is understanding and has a great love. And it's because of this great love that we love.

So, thank you, thank you for this great love. It's for you and I will work hard and try.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

tire

i have been tire for the past few days, i m not sure if it's because i have been sleeping late or just not getting good quality sleep or been in front of a computer monitor for too long.

it's difficult to write this documentary. it's a lot of search of the soul and organizing of the mind. i wish jeni gave me some better structure on writing a treatment.

i need a bigger monitor. like a 17 in. or larger. my eyes are really tire.

Friday, November 6, 2009

something about late night

there's something about late night that it's so peaceful.

i don't know. i m tire but i don't want to sleep and at the same time i feel empty.

it's a strange stage between awake and asleep and all the guards are down.

life is beautiful.

on friday, i finally heard from my old friend from high school who i lost touch with at least 1 year if not 2. anyway, since going back to LA in the summer of '07. it was strange seeing him online again. he was on yahoo talk.

on my adium contact, most people are americans, and then honkies as they refer to people from hong kong here in australia and then very few people who i befriended with in australia, mostly the basketball guys and schoolmates i work a lot with.

it's going to be a tough few days to the finish line and i am somewhat disappointed with my progress but not time to beat up myself. just have to try better tomorrow and i better get some sleep. i think my head is telling me that as well as my eyes but my mind wants to type.

janice and ben from small group are going to hk in november but janice will be leaving the day i arrive. i m thinking about leaving singapore a day early because i think 3 days is enough for singapore already. actually i think 2 days would be enough. 1 more day would be too much an singapore is not cheap. i actually don't like my flight to singapore coz it's a evening flight and i arrive there at late night... i rather get there in the late morning, like a day. i ll call tomorrow to see if i can reschedule.

i realize that i need to use an organizer. i used to use an organizer in high school, before fast internet and all the applications on internet. i think i should buy one of those smart phone. i might get the nokia e63 on 3 when i get back to Oz. but the e71 looks so much better. e63 looks cheap and it is much cheaper and has basically all i need. iphone? it's super cool but it cost heap more. it's super cool though. but i m not sure if it's my style, i m going to drop it so many times. i don't think it will last 2 years, least say one year. i need a rough phone.

i do like living here a whole lot than hk. it's more normal here and it's not too far from HK like US.

i really need a job when i come back. i m gonna try really hard getting a job then, but i have a theory that the 19 and under as well as the foreigners are getting all the cheap part-time jobs i want to get. all of them are like chinese. i don't think they are getting the australian standard pay, they are getting like 10 or 14 cash. by law i think i get at least 19 bucks per hour. it's so hard and most stores only hire girls.

centerlink would be a better option for me but man hkep haven't gotten back to me. complication.

i need to plan ahead. get down. i think it gonna require a lot of work to stay here. i need to find a job, a full-time job when i m out of uts. hopefully the job market would open up then. actually, i m thinking whether i should start to look for a full-time job when i come back, so to give a try. the only thing is fee-help. if i can work and get fee-help at the same time then it's all okay.

then, maybe i can move out. i love living at the wong's but i don't know, i feel like i cause inconvenience for them. and it's better if i can live closer to city but the expense would be a lot higher so i need at least income before even thinking about that seriously.

i don't mind doing part-time next year and try to look for a full-time job. most of my classmates are doing part-time. and the cool thing about australia is that you can do that. your job, well, most job doesn't kill you out of a life like in hong kong. people get to do all kind of stuff outside of work. that's balanced life! i would love hong kong if i get a good income, have a good motivating job, balanced life and such but that's hard in hong kong.

i want to take things slow anyway. 3 classes actually a lot, especially during crunch time. it would be good if i can do 2 classes really well. or do one class. i wish i can take more classes though, there are just so much to learn. i really envy the undergrad. most of them are technically really good. and i want to be as good technically as them, except they get about 3x the time i get.

it ll be nice if i can settle here, make it my base and then go to hong kong once so often and later on, have hong kong as like a second home. if i can earn a good stable income and do my own projects with my spare time and holiday. that would be ideal.

better to be in a job where i can do what i like.

a lot of australians take 1-2 years off after high school or uni to go backpacking or volunteer to work somewhere. pretty amazing. very different from the mentality in hong kong or even the US. and i thought i spent too much time in hong kong. well, a little, jobwise at least. i knew early on that i didn't belong there and i stuck with both of them more than i wanted to. maybe a bit too long but i think there is a timing up there.

maybe i would understand it one day looking back, and actually, i think i do. i do appreciate it even though it was tough on many levels.

tomorrow i m off to celebrate my good friend's belated birthday. he's turning actually he turned 25 already and he was my best friend in primary school. i haven't gotten anything for him so i must get up early tomorrow and scramble and then do my assignments.

ah, let's go to sleep and get some good rest!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Request Answered!

Amazingly, God gave me the possibility to work for a Hong Kong documentary filmmaker Tammy Cheung for the summer. The only thing is that...it might be more than what I asked for.

Tammy said the post-production would be tedious and see how I would like it. Urrr. SOunds like Hong Kong again. But sacrifice must be made.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

End of the Semester

so time flies and I am at the LAST WEEK of my first semester at University of Technology, Sydney (UTS).

and here I am with less than 5 days, in a mad dash to the finish line in just little more than 4 days to go to finish my stop-motion animation and my 12-15 page documentary film script/treatment/essay.

i just went to the last Focus meeting of the year and we had Thomas graduating along with others.

just great props to the leaders at Focus for being so generous, loving and service. Kian, Paul, Kevin, John, Thomas and others were just super. So kind and humble. Where do you get these people? Especially Kevin, John and Thomas...so pure, gentle, humble, ready to serve with such obedience. Selfless. They are like peace, you become peaceful near them.

the song, Leaving On The Jetplane by John Denver came to mind, and I think it's because I am not going to see them for a while.

sometimes i wish the world is like that, people doing good with no selfish motives, being there just to serve, not to gain whatever and they do get blessed, believe me.

James and Lee Anne with their two very young sons, one being just 6 months old are going to China. and part of me think, that's nuts. your kid is barely half a year old and you are going to China? people in China want to come over here and you are going over there, and without a job!!?!?! are you guys crazy? You don't know the language? Why are you doing this?

That's what happens I guess, when you get called. You just do it.

It's impractical and in worldly sense, it's stupid but there is something more than the world.

So, thank you and good luck. May the Lord be with you and take care of the little ones. Emmanuel.

-and i should get back to work.